Day 1: How to start (or start again)

An old video, a new 30 DAY PROGRAM to help you quit, +links

Jan 01, 2025

1. AN OLD VIDEO

The first time I tried to quit drinking was in late 2012. I was successful for a few months, but then during the holiday season that year thinking I had conquered alcohol by abstaining from it for a few months, I drank at a party. This led to a very, very fast return to extremely unhealthy behavior, and I rang in 2013 in a blackout bender that lasted multiple days.

When January 1st, 2013 came around (the day I planned to start fixing myself again) I couldn’t meet the moment, and I drank through it. On January 2nd, 2013, I started again.

Below is a video I made a few years ago about that first day of 2013—about barely surviving the holidays in the first place, failing myself yet again in a terrifying way, waking up to the nightmare and that specific searing pain, and taking those first agonizing steps toward healing when it felt like the most impossible and futile thing I could do. I called the video Carry The Fuck On, because someone had said that to me when I didn’t think I could stand back up, and because that’s what a lot of people need to have said to them when they think they can’t, either.

If this is you today (starting again, feeling like your skin is coming off, terrified that you will never be able to pull it off or trust yourself with yourself, tempted to keep drinking because it feels so much easier to just fucking drink, etc.)—I made this specifically for you. (Also if this is you: “It's okay if you're not ready to quit drinking and drugs on January 1st, 2025”.)

2. A NEW BOOK (Technically speaking, it’s an audioguide)

In the video above I mention that the thing that saved me that New Years day 12 years ago was a book by Gabby Bernstein—a forty day guide to breaking up with fear called May Cause Miracles. I’d read her other books while trying to quit drinking but hadn’t been able to really apply her teachings in a way that felt like it was making an impact. This new book (that miraculously came out the exact day I needed it) had what I was craving: A day-by-day structure, a kind and compassionate message I could do something with, an opportunity to think differently, an occasional homework assignment. When I didn’t know what else to do, that 40 day guide was the thing to do, and I’m pretty sure it saved my life. (Fun fact: Gabby Bernstein also has a book coming out through Audible for this same project.)

Because of how powerfully effective Gabby’s book and other such books (daily guides, most with an affirmation component, like ACIM or Calling in The One or The Artists Way) were for me and how much the act of repeating affirmations impacted my experience of recovery, when I started helping people change their relationship with drinking in 2014 I made affirmation repetition a cornerstone practice—it’s one of the first things I recommend to people as a way to pattern interrupt, change their minds, and access relief without having to make drastic or scary changes to their consumption habits they might not be ready for. Our thoughts can work toward or against our recovery, and it’s a really low lift to repeat a string of words to yourself.

Which is why when Audible approached me to pitch an audiobook to them on alcohol cessation, the obvious choice was to create a 30-day guide that focused on the incorporation of affirmations, with the primary goal of shifts in cognitive thinking.

There is much to say about this guide and this specific approach (see Q&As at the end of this email), but the most important point to make clear is that working directly and specifically with our beliefs and thoughts is hugely impactful when we’re addressing addiction—believing we can do something is the stuff—and using a guide like this to reprogram yourself can go a very long way and make the process easier and stickier.

(Example affirmations include "Today I commit to speaking kindly and compassionately to myself"; " I am exactly where I’m supposed to be"; "I am willing to sacrifice what I am for what I could become"; "I am allowed to say no"; and "I allow myself to be surprised.")

30 Days to a New Relationship with Alcohol is available for purchase January 2nd, 2025. The link to pre-order is here. It’s $24.95 to own it outright, and it’s also accessible through an Audible monthly subscription service (but that means you lose access when you cancel, and I personally like to have ongoing access to resources like this, thus I recommend you buy it).

Tomorrow (January 2nd) and Thursday (January 3rd) I’ll be sending out two sample days/affirmations from the guide (paid subscribers will get both, free get the first one). The full FAQ is at the bottom of this post. As someone who is VERY critical of her work, and as someone that will not make another cent from this particular book whether it sells a billion copies or one, I think it’s a great tool I wish I’d had 12 years ago.

BUY THE GUIDE

3. 13 THINGS RIGHT NOW, DRY JANUARY EDITION

Is everyone high now? “The old distinction between medical and recreational drugs is breaking down. It’s no longer clear what even counts as a drug anymore.” Mike Jay, who is one of my favorite drug writers, on this current moment in drug culture, and the waning distinction between recreation and medical use.
Last week I wrote about how GLP-1s (Ozempic, etc.) show great promise in helping folks with AUD cut down on drinking, and how we already have drugs that help with AUD that are grossly underused, like Naltrexone. Here is another on MAT efficacy and underutilization in AUD: “Why a promising treatment for alcohol abuse is barely used”
Related: Cannabis is rarely considered MAT (Medically Assisted Treatment) but perhaps should be—it meets 6 out of 7 criteria for MAT. CBD is also showing to help with alcohol cravings (“Acute cannabidiol [CBD] administration reduces alcohol craving and cue-induced nucleus accumbens activation in individuals with alcohol use disorder.”)
More 💊🛒💉📱🌲🍺: An article that asks whether THC drinks can replace alcohol, and another that suggests it already has; this clip of a 1950’s housewife doing LSD on TV! that I found in my research and is just fucking wild; a timeless sober power move (please someone do this and report back); inside a fentanyl lab; kickbacks a regular feature of referrals to addiction treatment; addiction predictions (via
Awais Aftab
); a new study finds transcranial magnetic stimulation may reduce alcohol cravings; 35,000 papers published on cannabis in the last decade!
More 🌲🌲🌲: How much pesticide is in your pot? The LA Times did their own investigation and revealed an unsurprisingly large number of pesticides in legally sold cannabis products/gaps in testing, and found that regulation in CA is basically shit. They also put together a little explainer on how pesticides from pot affect you over time.
My beautiful buddy Cody Cook-Parrott who writes ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEWSLETTERS left Substack. Make sure and sign up for their newsletter here and then read their latest about the steps they are taking to protect their energy and attention and finish their book.
If you’re worried about someone’s drinking maybe don’t do what this NYT article suggests, like performing an intervention to relieve your guilt. The best of the best of what exists for loved ones of folks w/ addictions (IMO) comes from the Center for Motivation and Change and the Invitation to Change method. This book and this workbook are great places to start if you’re close with someone who is struggling and don’t know what to do.
Spotify literally devil please support musicians by not using them. Tidal and Apple pay musicians more, and this little app seamlessly moves your playlists and libraries.
“There is a total of one variable that predicts a lower likelihood of being sure that there are only two genders - education. As education increases, the propensity to hold this belief goes down. There are a handful of factors that don’t matter at all. They are: race, income and age. None are predictive in either direction.”
Ryan Burge
’s work is amazing, and this article “Gender Identity, Religion and Political Ideology in 2023” shows that the biggest determinant of whether someone believes there are only two genders was education. (Pairs nicely with what I wrote about developmental models.)
Using a red color filter on my iPhone to save my eyes (and waiting for article that comes out 2+ from now which explains what horrific thing red light filters cause)
Creating cave time! I am going to follow much of this process to carve out space for deep work.
Related: photo of my actual cave

4. Q&A FOR MY NEW AUDIO GUIDE

1. What is it?

30 Days to a New Relationship with Alcohol is a 30-day audio guide intended to help folks change their relationship with alcohol (it also works for other substances and behaviors). Each day listeners get an affirmation to repeat for the day and carry into their lives, and a story related to the affirmation to help put it into context and also make the lesson more sticky. It can be used on its own or as a complement to a more formal program of recovery, drinking cessation, or harm reduction.

2. Is this abstinence-only or appropriate for anyone regardless of their drinking goals? Do I need to be sober to use this or change my drinking to use this?

This is not an abstinence-only guide, and is more harm reduction-focused than my previous work. You do not need to be sober or change your consumption in order to use this guide. Some of what I say about this distinction in the introduction:

If you know what you want already or are already abstinent or sober or know you just want to do one month off drinking, etc., you likely don’t need to explai
n your options around abstinence or how to use this guide to shape those options. But if you’re unclear about what your desired outcome is, be it total sobriety, reduced drinking, periods of abstinence, or simply more awareness around your existing habits, my advice to you is to not focus too much on knowing where you’re going with this. Allow yourself to be open to any potential outcome, experiment as much as you safely can with different types of changes in your consumption habits, and mostly, remember that there’s hundreds of different things you can do to improve the quality of your life while you’re making this choice.

BUY THE GUIDE

3. Is there a written (text-based) component?

No. This is an audio only guide (no written component) with an introduction and thirty 5- to 10-minute daily meditations/reflections, designed for a beginner audience and appropriate for folks well into their recovery.

4. What can listeners expect to experience if they use this guide?

This guide isn't about drinks counting, day counting, or trying to achieve specific outcomes with drinking or recovery. In fact, most of the daily affirmations barely mention alcohol.

This guide works on themes that often come up when individuals are trying to renegotiate their relationship with alcohol or break an addiction in general. Example affirmations include "Today I commit to speaking kindly and compassionately to myself"; " I am exactly where I’m supposed to be"; "I am willing to sacrifice what I am for what I could become"; "I am allowed to say no"; and "I allow myself to be surprised." Users can expect to experience subtle to profound changes in their thinking that will complement their intention to examine their relationship with alcohol. What I say about it in the intro:

While this guide will draw from a range of evidence-based modalities, we’re primarily focusing on working with changing our beliefs and thus our actions. This guide is heavily focused on repatterning negative thoughts, working with limiting beliefs, and changing behaviors and we’re utilizing mostly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT techniques. CBT has been shown to be effective in helping people break addiction and compulsion, and usually consists of identifying negative beliefs and patterns, challenging unhelpful beliefs, repeating replacement new thought through processes that challenge and modify beliefs, and practices that help put new behaviors into action.

5. How can I access it and use it?

You can purchase it on January 2nd, 2025 (only from Audible), it is available for purchase outright ($24.95), with an Audible credit, or with an Audible Plus membership for $7.95 a month. I recommend starting with the Introduction and Day 1 and moving through the other tracks in order, listening to a new one each day as they are ordered specifically to build from each other. That said, it's also designed to be used out of order, so you can also just start with any of the days.

6. Anything else I need to know?

Probably that this project was peer reviewed by one of my colleagues, an addiction psychiatrist and assistant professor clinical psychology at an ivy league institution who shares a similar outlook as I do on addiction and recovery. Also that I really love how it turned out and I hope you get some benefit from it.