This: "Mostly though, I chose not to because everything I ever wanted in my entire life and searched for everywhere else has come to me through the choice to not drink. I said no because no means yes to everything that actually matters to me, now that I know what matters. You said you don't want to miss out on celebrations, on life; I am telling you I don't either, and that is how I consistently do not drink. There is absolutely nothing more depriving of life than the need to use drugs to experience it." Thanks Holly, you are everything.
I felt every word of this piece. The desire to feel normal, loved, accepted. It makes me feel less alone and more lonely at the same time. I wonder why our brains betray us to want more, what we don’t have, and to fool us into romanticizing things we don’t want, need or truly love. You hit me in the gut with this!
Oh, this is soooo good. And so on time for me... about to take my first solo road trip in a very, very long time. Lots and lots of considerations about how "strong" I am now (with nagging thoughts that maybe I'm fragile), how much I've learned (and to please remember all that, girl!), how much growth I've done, mixed with an awareness of being out in the world on my own where anything could happen, if I let it.
It is such a dumb idea that we're not "supposed" to have cravings, that even having them means we're fragile. With the world on fire in so many ways, who doesn't crave something that would soothe the pain? I find myself lately remembering how soothing a glass of wine was. But some small part of me still believed I shouldn't crave it at all. Thank you for making that point - I guess I needed to hear it from the outside to believe it.
The paragraph beginning with "So it burned a little..." has already been printed out for my scrapbook, so I can go back to it later!
Bless you, Holly, for all this writing. It *always* reaches straight inside me and pulls out something I need. Love to you.
i never noticed anything about asking us to post a question or I definitely would have. I will now as soon as I figure it out. I love this answer and can relate to it to the bottom of my soul. The alcohol voice convincing us that it is not that big of a deal, even after 9 YEARS of alcohol free. Happened to me at 7 years. It is so convincing at times. I am amazed at your resilience to get that diet coke in THAT moment. The alcohol voice is the most abusive spouse or partner I can ever imagine: "just one more time. It will be different this time". It is so absolutely horrifying to me how easy this is. I know this has been said before many times in recovery circles but bears repeating over and over: imagine recovering from a heroin addiction and then being offered it several times a day, told it will make my day better, watching it on every movie and every tv show and every. single. person. place and situation makes it seem like it is a good idea. I would say overcoming alcohol addiction makes us heros to ourselves in the biggest way imaginable.
OMG! Thank you so much for this posting today.I am 4.5 months AF and I am feeling so much better, sleeping,clearer in my thinking. I found your book instrumental in helping me appreciate the journey and the complexity of it and what to anticipate. I also, have ended a relationship I was staying in from fear of being alone. I have known it was not a relationship I wanted but did not have the courage to leave.....so I drank my way through it. Being AF is what has given me the courage to fly solo. BUT I still get scared and lonely, and I sometimes I feel giving him up was harder than giving up alcohol because I don't have a support group or books to read about all the great things that can happen when you leave a less than satisfying, stimulating relationship and Fall In Love with Your Own Life. I am actually thinking of offering a workshop on that topic. We teach what we need to learn. For some reason today is a particularly hard day for me. I actually called him 2 hours ago and he didn't pick up. That hurt and yet I am relieved because I DONOT want to go back..I need to remember what wasn't there. Just like drinking wasn't fun..... Thank you for the reminder. So much Gratitude. Keep it coming.xoxo
Holly, I've been following your work for many years and you is a wise woman!
14ish years trying to figure out my drinking only to finally figure out it was never the drink. It was me. My inner shit that I just could not and did not want/know how to face. I've had 2yrs, 3yrs, 5yrs etc.. and every time I went back it was because it was too uncomfortable to not be me. Cravings are hard! I still have them. I can accept them now with more ease because I now understand them a bit better. Always a work in progress :)
Letter writer, if you're reading this, I feel you. Time and support will heal.
You put into words everything I have to say but cant find words to say it! I haven’t drank since 24th of September 2020 and - although I am really proud of myself - I owe you loads for this crystal clear life I have had since then. I am glad to have you on my side!
2 years, 3 months and 14 days sober and while it is no longer something I think about every day, when the cravings do hit, they can hit HARD. Thank you for sharing, your words and willingness to share bring light and hope and community and all the good things. I have more than once contemplated the solo binge. That seductive temptation of " No one would ever know". But I would know. And I never want to abandon myself again. Thank you thank you thank you.
Yessss! Holly, first off thank you-your writing and experiences “click” for me. I really appreciate you and your work.
I am 5 weeks in (whoo!) and just experienced my first bachelorette party, sober or otherwise. The bride is my future sister-in-law and at one point, she mentioned the disappointment she experiences when a hangover takes away the joy from a special moment or celebration. My heart hurt for her as I know that feeling well, and think I will send her your book (trying to balance feelings of “EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS” and a more gentle/supportive approach!). Curious others thoughts when they’ve experienced girlfriends saying something similar….
I missed drinking as a way to feel like I “fit in” or almost to assure others I was “having fun”, but v proud of myself! <3
Wow! Holly this is so profound and so honest and true like you!!! I’ve been thinking a lot about sobriety and that it has something to do for me of a decision to pick something more for myself than will powering it through. Allowing the willpower way though does lead to the decision? Does that make sense. I’m having a lonely day and this made me feel like I just have lost faith for a moment. It does go back to early life maybe parents preoccupied they left us for something else their own drink their own smoke their own loneliness so we did it to ourselves. I left over and over for the candy store. It’s such a process to be present with ourselves and anyone. I love you and all of these wonderful people making comments I see you and I hear you and you are not alone because I read what you wrote!! Keep writing Holly you have so much in there 🥰🥰🥰🥰
This was beautifully expressed and written. Thank you.
This: "Mostly though, I chose not to because everything I ever wanted in my entire life and searched for everywhere else has come to me through the choice to not drink. I said no because no means yes to everything that actually matters to me, now that I know what matters. You said you don't want to miss out on celebrations, on life; I am telling you I don't either, and that is how I consistently do not drink. There is absolutely nothing more depriving of life than the need to use drugs to experience it." Thanks Holly, you are everything.
I felt every word of this piece. The desire to feel normal, loved, accepted. It makes me feel less alone and more lonely at the same time. I wonder why our brains betray us to want more, what we don’t have, and to fool us into romanticizing things we don’t want, need or truly love. You hit me in the gut with this!
Oh, this is soooo good. And so on time for me... about to take my first solo road trip in a very, very long time. Lots and lots of considerations about how "strong" I am now (with nagging thoughts that maybe I'm fragile), how much I've learned (and to please remember all that, girl!), how much growth I've done, mixed with an awareness of being out in the world on my own where anything could happen, if I let it.
It is such a dumb idea that we're not "supposed" to have cravings, that even having them means we're fragile. With the world on fire in so many ways, who doesn't crave something that would soothe the pain? I find myself lately remembering how soothing a glass of wine was. But some small part of me still believed I shouldn't crave it at all. Thank you for making that point - I guess I needed to hear it from the outside to believe it.
The paragraph beginning with "So it burned a little..." has already been printed out for my scrapbook, so I can go back to it later!
Bless you, Holly, for all this writing. It *always* reaches straight inside me and pulls out something I need. Love to you.
Hit me where it heals. So relatable.
i never noticed anything about asking us to post a question or I definitely would have. I will now as soon as I figure it out. I love this answer and can relate to it to the bottom of my soul. The alcohol voice convincing us that it is not that big of a deal, even after 9 YEARS of alcohol free. Happened to me at 7 years. It is so convincing at times. I am amazed at your resilience to get that diet coke in THAT moment. The alcohol voice is the most abusive spouse or partner I can ever imagine: "just one more time. It will be different this time". It is so absolutely horrifying to me how easy this is. I know this has been said before many times in recovery circles but bears repeating over and over: imagine recovering from a heroin addiction and then being offered it several times a day, told it will make my day better, watching it on every movie and every tv show and every. single. person. place and situation makes it seem like it is a good idea. I would say overcoming alcohol addiction makes us heros to ourselves in the biggest way imaginable.
Hollllyyyyyy!!!!! This one. Just wow. As I text an ex, it couldn’t be more relevant. I will read and re-read this again and again.
This is beautiful. I'm loving the writing - well worth the subscription price and more. I love you.
OMG! Thank you so much for this posting today.I am 4.5 months AF and I am feeling so much better, sleeping,clearer in my thinking. I found your book instrumental in helping me appreciate the journey and the complexity of it and what to anticipate. I also, have ended a relationship I was staying in from fear of being alone. I have known it was not a relationship I wanted but did not have the courage to leave.....so I drank my way through it. Being AF is what has given me the courage to fly solo. BUT I still get scared and lonely, and I sometimes I feel giving him up was harder than giving up alcohol because I don't have a support group or books to read about all the great things that can happen when you leave a less than satisfying, stimulating relationship and Fall In Love with Your Own Life. I am actually thinking of offering a workshop on that topic. We teach what we need to learn. For some reason today is a particularly hard day for me. I actually called him 2 hours ago and he didn't pick up. That hurt and yet I am relieved because I DONOT want to go back..I need to remember what wasn't there. Just like drinking wasn't fun..... Thank you for the reminder. So much Gratitude. Keep it coming.xoxo
Holly, I've been following your work for many years and you is a wise woman!
14ish years trying to figure out my drinking only to finally figure out it was never the drink. It was me. My inner shit that I just could not and did not want/know how to face. I've had 2yrs, 3yrs, 5yrs etc.. and every time I went back it was because it was too uncomfortable to not be me. Cravings are hard! I still have them. I can accept them now with more ease because I now understand them a bit better. Always a work in progress :)
Letter writer, if you're reading this, I feel you. Time and support will heal.
Man I love this sober uncomfortable life!!
*Commas confuse me lol*
You put into words everything I have to say but cant find words to say it! I haven’t drank since 24th of September 2020 and - although I am really proud of myself - I owe you loads for this crystal clear life I have had since then. I am glad to have you on my side!
"I said no because no means yes to everything that actually matters to me, now that I know what matters." I love you, Holly!
Amen lady- beautifully and honestly expressed. One million thank yous. Also fuck Troy.
2 years, 3 months and 14 days sober and while it is no longer something I think about every day, when the cravings do hit, they can hit HARD. Thank you for sharing, your words and willingness to share bring light and hope and community and all the good things. I have more than once contemplated the solo binge. That seductive temptation of " No one would ever know". But I would know. And I never want to abandon myself again. Thank you thank you thank you.
Yessss! Holly, first off thank you-your writing and experiences “click” for me. I really appreciate you and your work.
I am 5 weeks in (whoo!) and just experienced my first bachelorette party, sober or otherwise. The bride is my future sister-in-law and at one point, she mentioned the disappointment she experiences when a hangover takes away the joy from a special moment or celebration. My heart hurt for her as I know that feeling well, and think I will send her your book (trying to balance feelings of “EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS” and a more gentle/supportive approach!). Curious others thoughts when they’ve experienced girlfriends saying something similar….
I missed drinking as a way to feel like I “fit in” or almost to assure others I was “having fun”, but v proud of myself! <3
Wow! Holly this is so profound and so honest and true like you!!! I’ve been thinking a lot about sobriety and that it has something to do for me of a decision to pick something more for myself than will powering it through. Allowing the willpower way though does lead to the decision? Does that make sense. I’m having a lonely day and this made me feel like I just have lost faith for a moment. It does go back to early life maybe parents preoccupied they left us for something else their own drink their own smoke their own loneliness so we did it to ourselves. I left over and over for the candy store. It’s such a process to be present with ourselves and anyone. I love you and all of these wonderful people making comments I see you and I hear you and you are not alone because I read what you wrote!! Keep writing Holly you have so much in there 🥰🥰🥰🥰