On beauty culture, I love your recommendations. Even more shocking is how intertwined beauty and wellness cultures have become. QLAW's story about goop eyeliner was the first time I woke up to what was hiding just beneath the surface. I'm reading Gospel of Wellness by Fast Co reporter Rina Raphael now -- definitely worth checking that out! I'm also writing about the wellness topic, through the lens of a wellness publicist recovered/ing from ED (and with a little humor), on my Substack flab www.flabwellness.com.
1) As a cis hetero male who did Tempest for a while (three schools?), I never felt excluded or singled out. I also was hungry for anything that could help me once I understood I couldn't help myself without a community. I read more books by women than I did by men, but that may have been a function of more women writing in the current century about alcohol than men. I do think that immersing myself in a community that was woman-centered and leaned queer made it easier for me to understand the societal pressures that go into alcohol use. I know I'm seeing things narrowly, and this is entirely anecdotal, but in the women I know who are in recovery, I see a lot more interest in joy and holistic wellness, in becoming, rediscovering dreams. The men I know who are (mostly) in 12-step programs seem to be more clinging to meetings as if they were the only thing keeping them sober. Not a judgment, just an observation. BTW - the razor analogy is great. My partner, who hates nonsensically-gendered stuff, brought home some disposable pink razors with a "feminine" brand name and I asked her "why don't you just use my Mach3s?"
2) I quickly jumped into the world of AF beers, probably only a month or two into being fully sober, and they never tempted me to go back to the real stuff. BUT BUT BUT I quickly realized that my addiction to beer (I had quit spirits at least a year before I quit all alcohol) was hand-in-hand with an addiction to carbs. By the end of my low-carb day, I crave those cans of Athletic carbs. It was ice cream for a while but for health reasons I had to quit that. I know a few people though who literally say "I don't fuck with NA beer" because they're concerned that it will tip them back to the real thing, and I respect that we're all different.
I was just chatting about whether anyone else thinks recovery and sobriety are the same. I brought it up in the context of I feel like my sobriety is solid but my recovery is not. I long for the early days of HSS. I remember an essay you wrote in a mantra email about working with a coaching client who was coming apart and you were jealous. I never completely got that until now. I never want to go back to early sobriety but I miss the messiness and the struggle and the single mindedness to be well. Trying to find my North Star again. I love you!
When I first encountered this work, I struggled a little with the "it's not for me" feeling (I'm a cis-man). Learning to incorporate the guidance into my life, even though it didn't center my experience, was its whole own growth opportunity. Depending on the guy, this may or may not be a good selling point. But if he gets interested in the work he may well experience a similar growth--whether or not he knows it's happening.
I absolutely love your response to the investment analyst's comments about Tempest and the difference between "centering on" and "excluding". That is true artwork. Bravo to you.
Appreciate your POV on the slippery slope that could be imbibing NA beer, cocktails and wine but would love to strike the terms “fake beer” and “mocktails” from the lexicon as NA beer and spirits are both more difficult and time consuming to produce than their alcoholic counterparts. While I agree our current drinking culture is problematic as someone who previously worked in the hospitality world I appreciate how large a role food and beverages play in our celebrations, relationships, friendships and for some, careers. Being able to enjoy nonalcoholic options has allowed my sobriety to continue to feel like a choice and something worth celebrating rather than a punishment. In the past year I’ve seen a shift in my friends, family members and former colleagues, many of whom are rotating in nonalcoholic options and I am excited to see these options expand!
Love how you talk about the heart of what you write about. When I tell people about your work, I say that it's about recovery which is to say everything.
Also, thanks for giving me words for how freaked out I am as winter approaches, and the reminder that there are actually things that are nice about the cold...
This is the first Fall that I can remember being excited for and not in fear of, “Winter is coming.” I also thought last Summer was a hot, fiery hell and am still spending time inside with A/C because it’s still a bit too hot for me. I know there’s a sweet spot coming that will end quickly and I’ll be ready for it. 🍁🧡🐻
Oh damn beauty culture. As an almost 58 year old, I botox my forehead and fill my jowls. I quit dying my hair and painting my nails during the pandemic. I love how my almost nightly salt baths make my feet soft and it is weird, but watching my toenails grow out and be healthy and clear makes me feel empowered? I am proud of all the keratin that has no alcohol in it. Even as the gray comes in my hair and pulling it back in a ponytail can still sometimes shock me. I was bulimic in my teens and 20's and have always been overly body conscious. I lost 20 lbs when I quit drinking and I stay consistent with yoga, weights and lots of hiking for the mind and body. I had kids really late in life and I think that has a lot to do with trying to stay young. I feel like I am low maintenance but I want a refreshed face so I give myself those things. Sometimes I feel guilty with the amount I will spend but other times I just think to myself, fuck it; I quit drinking, I am doing hard work.... I can give myself these things.
On beauty culture, I love your recommendations. Even more shocking is how intertwined beauty and wellness cultures have become. QLAW's story about goop eyeliner was the first time I woke up to what was hiding just beneath the surface. I'm reading Gospel of Wellness by Fast Co reporter Rina Raphael now -- definitely worth checking that out! I'm also writing about the wellness topic, through the lens of a wellness publicist recovered/ing from ED (and with a little humor), on my Substack flab www.flabwellness.com.
Two humble contributions:
1) As a cis hetero male who did Tempest for a while (three schools?), I never felt excluded or singled out. I also was hungry for anything that could help me once I understood I couldn't help myself without a community. I read more books by women than I did by men, but that may have been a function of more women writing in the current century about alcohol than men. I do think that immersing myself in a community that was woman-centered and leaned queer made it easier for me to understand the societal pressures that go into alcohol use. I know I'm seeing things narrowly, and this is entirely anecdotal, but in the women I know who are in recovery, I see a lot more interest in joy and holistic wellness, in becoming, rediscovering dreams. The men I know who are (mostly) in 12-step programs seem to be more clinging to meetings as if they were the only thing keeping them sober. Not a judgment, just an observation. BTW - the razor analogy is great. My partner, who hates nonsensically-gendered stuff, brought home some disposable pink razors with a "feminine" brand name and I asked her "why don't you just use my Mach3s?"
2) I quickly jumped into the world of AF beers, probably only a month or two into being fully sober, and they never tempted me to go back to the real stuff. BUT BUT BUT I quickly realized that my addiction to beer (I had quit spirits at least a year before I quit all alcohol) was hand-in-hand with an addiction to carbs. By the end of my low-carb day, I crave those cans of Athletic carbs. It was ice cream for a while but for health reasons I had to quit that. I know a few people though who literally say "I don't fuck with NA beer" because they're concerned that it will tip them back to the real thing, and I respect that we're all different.
I was just chatting about whether anyone else thinks recovery and sobriety are the same. I brought it up in the context of I feel like my sobriety is solid but my recovery is not. I long for the early days of HSS. I remember an essay you wrote in a mantra email about working with a coaching client who was coming apart and you were jealous. I never completely got that until now. I never want to go back to early sobriety but I miss the messiness and the struggle and the single mindedness to be well. Trying to find my North Star again. I love you!
When I first encountered this work, I struggled a little with the "it's not for me" feeling (I'm a cis-man). Learning to incorporate the guidance into my life, even though it didn't center my experience, was its whole own growth opportunity. Depending on the guy, this may or may not be a good selling point. But if he gets interested in the work he may well experience a similar growth--whether or not he knows it's happening.
As always so look forward to and absorb your newsletters. Such good insights. Thanks Holly! 💜Miranda
Loved these ❤️
“Just like me”… such a lovely way to find compassion for one another and ourselves ♥️ I loved this.
I absolutely love your response to the investment analyst's comments about Tempest and the difference between "centering on" and "excluding". That is true artwork. Bravo to you.
Appreciate your POV on the slippery slope that could be imbibing NA beer, cocktails and wine but would love to strike the terms “fake beer” and “mocktails” from the lexicon as NA beer and spirits are both more difficult and time consuming to produce than their alcoholic counterparts. While I agree our current drinking culture is problematic as someone who previously worked in the hospitality world I appreciate how large a role food and beverages play in our celebrations, relationships, friendships and for some, careers. Being able to enjoy nonalcoholic options has allowed my sobriety to continue to feel like a choice and something worth celebrating rather than a punishment. In the past year I’ve seen a shift in my friends, family members and former colleagues, many of whom are rotating in nonalcoholic options and I am excited to see these options expand!
Love how you talk about the heart of what you write about. When I tell people about your work, I say that it's about recovery which is to say everything.
Also, thanks for giving me words for how freaked out I am as winter approaches, and the reminder that there are actually things that are nice about the cold...
This is the first Fall that I can remember being excited for and not in fear of, “Winter is coming.” I also thought last Summer was a hot, fiery hell and am still spending time inside with A/C because it’s still a bit too hot for me. I know there’s a sweet spot coming that will end quickly and I’ll be ready for it. 🍁🧡🐻
Oh damn beauty culture. As an almost 58 year old, I botox my forehead and fill my jowls. I quit dying my hair and painting my nails during the pandemic. I love how my almost nightly salt baths make my feet soft and it is weird, but watching my toenails grow out and be healthy and clear makes me feel empowered? I am proud of all the keratin that has no alcohol in it. Even as the gray comes in my hair and pulling it back in a ponytail can still sometimes shock me. I was bulimic in my teens and 20's and have always been overly body conscious. I lost 20 lbs when I quit drinking and I stay consistent with yoga, weights and lots of hiking for the mind and body. I had kids really late in life and I think that has a lot to do with trying to stay young. I feel like I am low maintenance but I want a refreshed face so I give myself those things. Sometimes I feel guilty with the amount I will spend but other times I just think to myself, fuck it; I quit drinking, I am doing hard work.... I can give myself these things.
and for NA beer Gruvi Juicy IPA is delightful.