First of all, thank for this. I’m glad you didn’t trash this, because who hasn’t gone down a fucking rabbit hole of shame and self-doubt based on a shitty comment thrown our way (though perhaps less of us have done so due to being a public personality, it’s happened on my side of my iPhone in Instagram comments, in “leadership feedback” from my previous team, and from my own MIL. Love the perspective switch. It’s so hard! But can change so much.
Once again I can relate with what you have shared. “I am so fucking tired of introspection” kinda sums up what I’ve been feeling lately. It seems never ending! But I know myself pretty well after the intense work I’ve put in this year, and maybe the Olympic level introspection is not always the best use of time. I’m starting to appreciate and like myself more and more. Next time I will try to let it BE instead of immediately 100% believing someone who doesn’t know me at all. Let’s see how that works…Thank you for this important reminder.
I've been wanting to formulate some kind of question around this topic to your newsletter - something like how do you not die when you receive negative feedback especially when it is cruel but also when it's not. Because I think I would hide under the covers or if I were to go outside the words would reverberate through me for the rest of my life and I would never experience even momentary peace. This fear keeps me from doing a lot of things and it is also unavoidable, even if i don't have an online presence, by just coexisting with other humans. Anyway, the question felt too specific and I couldn't figure out a way to ask it without giving you my whole life story. But, damn, this essay got right to the heart of it and I am so grateful that you posted it.
THIS line is absolute gold "At some point it occurred to me that the content of the whole experience didn’t matter at all; my resistance did." I am going to start observing when I am in a place of resistance (which happens a lot) and try to let it be what is occurring. T I have been in a place of sheer anxiety over the past week and being able to witness my resistance has the ability to be a game changer for me. Thank you for this piece of wisdom and for NOT leaving this in your drafts. I needed to hear this. Much love to you.
This is kind of tangential but it may relate to what you and Emily have been talking about on Quitted when it comes to work culture/hustling/being really identified with work - Why is it that people feel license to make attacks that are so personal? Is this another pernicious outcome of our work culture and "personal branding" - that, in our minds, we can no longer separate the actual person from their work/job/creative output? Why can't someone just say "I don't resonate with your approach in your work any longer and this is why" or "I don't agree with xyz and this is why"??? I know it's naive and futile to expect that people act with a basic sense of comportment on the internet - that doesn't mean that it isn't disappointing or doesn't hurt when they fail to do so, time and time again.
Trying to salvage and protect your emotional openness and sensitivity while navigating the noxious world of the internet and not letting the personal attacks become this all-consuming thing (that can torpedo your vacation in Italy!!!)... that feels like really vital and necessary - to stay in contact with that tender part.
I totally think there is a double-edged sword when it comes to introspection that isn't talked about enough, especially when it comes to doing personal development work or being on a path or recovery. I myself have felt really burned out on it at certain points - especially when the gaze or the focus I've used to inspect my inner life has been overly harsh, narrow, focused. It's like that gaze needs to be a little softer, loving, more fuzzed out for it to really be a sustainable practice. As Lama Rod Owen said "If we don't do our work, we become work for other people."
"Then I sat down in one of those flower covered fields and did what probably all the searching humans who came before me on this land had done, which is pull out a journal and do Byron Katie's four questions." :) I just love your writing and connect to it so much, you inspire me to write my thoughts down more. I get hurt feelings by someone on twitter taking my comment the wrong way so I can't imagine what it's like being in the public eye. Reading you process through this was great.
"But it also was kind of exhausting because I am so fucking tired of introspection." amen to this. I am not saying that all the work I have done on myself doesn't matter, at all. But I am realizing that so much of the insight and wisdom etc. does not usually mean ish when it comes to my reactivity or my emotional life. I am pushing 60, and Amy's comment about Olympic level introspection hit it on the head for me. Not usually the best use of my time these days. I am so glad you are here writing this newsletter, I look forward to it every week. ❤️
First of all, thank for this. I’m glad you didn’t trash this, because who hasn’t gone down a fucking rabbit hole of shame and self-doubt based on a shitty comment thrown our way (though perhaps less of us have done so due to being a public personality, it’s happened on my side of my iPhone in Instagram comments, in “leadership feedback” from my previous team, and from my own MIL. Love the perspective switch. It’s so hard! But can change so much.
Once again I can relate with what you have shared. “I am so fucking tired of introspection” kinda sums up what I’ve been feeling lately. It seems never ending! But I know myself pretty well after the intense work I’ve put in this year, and maybe the Olympic level introspection is not always the best use of time. I’m starting to appreciate and like myself more and more. Next time I will try to let it BE instead of immediately 100% believing someone who doesn’t know me at all. Let’s see how that works…Thank you for this important reminder.
I've been wanting to formulate some kind of question around this topic to your newsletter - something like how do you not die when you receive negative feedback especially when it is cruel but also when it's not. Because I think I would hide under the covers or if I were to go outside the words would reverberate through me for the rest of my life and I would never experience even momentary peace. This fear keeps me from doing a lot of things and it is also unavoidable, even if i don't have an online presence, by just coexisting with other humans. Anyway, the question felt too specific and I couldn't figure out a way to ask it without giving you my whole life story. But, damn, this essay got right to the heart of it and I am so grateful that you posted it.
THIS line is absolute gold "At some point it occurred to me that the content of the whole experience didn’t matter at all; my resistance did." I am going to start observing when I am in a place of resistance (which happens a lot) and try to let it be what is occurring. T I have been in a place of sheer anxiety over the past week and being able to witness my resistance has the ability to be a game changer for me. Thank you for this piece of wisdom and for NOT leaving this in your drafts. I needed to hear this. Much love to you.
This is kind of tangential but it may relate to what you and Emily have been talking about on Quitted when it comes to work culture/hustling/being really identified with work - Why is it that people feel license to make attacks that are so personal? Is this another pernicious outcome of our work culture and "personal branding" - that, in our minds, we can no longer separate the actual person from their work/job/creative output? Why can't someone just say "I don't resonate with your approach in your work any longer and this is why" or "I don't agree with xyz and this is why"??? I know it's naive and futile to expect that people act with a basic sense of comportment on the internet - that doesn't mean that it isn't disappointing or doesn't hurt when they fail to do so, time and time again.
Trying to salvage and protect your emotional openness and sensitivity while navigating the noxious world of the internet and not letting the personal attacks become this all-consuming thing (that can torpedo your vacation in Italy!!!)... that feels like really vital and necessary - to stay in contact with that tender part.
I totally think there is a double-edged sword when it comes to introspection that isn't talked about enough, especially when it comes to doing personal development work or being on a path or recovery. I myself have felt really burned out on it at certain points - especially when the gaze or the focus I've used to inspect my inner life has been overly harsh, narrow, focused. It's like that gaze needs to be a little softer, loving, more fuzzed out for it to really be a sustainable practice. As Lama Rod Owen said "If we don't do our work, we become work for other people."
That's about the size of it...https://youtube.com/watch?v=2ABxl46Ovv8&feature=share
Big Mountains of Love to All ❤
"Then I sat down in one of those flower covered fields and did what probably all the searching humans who came before me on this land had done, which is pull out a journal and do Byron Katie's four questions." :) I just love your writing and connect to it so much, you inspire me to write my thoughts down more. I get hurt feelings by someone on twitter taking my comment the wrong way so I can't imagine what it's like being in the public eye. Reading you process through this was great.
"But it also was kind of exhausting because I am so fucking tired of introspection." amen to this. I am not saying that all the work I have done on myself doesn't matter, at all. But I am realizing that so much of the insight and wisdom etc. does not usually mean ish when it comes to my reactivity or my emotional life. I am pushing 60, and Amy's comment about Olympic level introspection hit it on the head for me. Not usually the best use of my time these days. I am so glad you are here writing this newsletter, I look forward to it every week. ❤️
I did not see that last line coming until I scrolled down to have it hit me in the face as i read it. Absolutely perfect.
More likes, all love <3
All this. Yup.
All this. Yup. BTW, you are not insufferable imho. You got trolled.