I have really enjoyed re-doing the mantra project and for me it also brings back memories of 2016/2017 and the kind of person I was then, and the hopes and fears I had. We are all ever changing and can’t possibly be expected to apologise for that - in fact one of my favourite mantras from the project this time has been ‘I am allowed to change’. It must be exhausting to have to publicly defend that all the time, and I wish there wasn’t such an appetite for tearing people apart. On another note, both my kids have ADHD and getting the right care team - which includes a kinesiologist, chiropractors, lots of breathing and supplements in addition to meds - has made such a difference to them being able to thrive. Hope you are ok moving through that process, love you xx
YES! WE ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE. People love drama. I mean I think I read over five articles about Don't Worry Darling so I get it. Re the defending, I just don't. To me it just feels like it's crediting their arguments and giving them merit. Re the ADHD, I am. Digging in to all the research which, lord. love you.
Yes DWD 🤦🏼♀️. And all the tabloid bullshit! It’s a boring way to cut through the endless noise of content! If you ever want to talk re adhd options I’m here for you ❤️
The recent slaughtering of women in the recovery community speaking their truths and offering lines of hope to so many makes me want to projectile vomit. I feel a deep sense of fear that nudges me to stay quiet, avoid attention -- basically the very reasons I drank. Thank you for speaking up, and vocalizing the misogyny in all of these criticisms (including -- especially -- the article that just came out). I'd be more interested in what that writer is doing to support the recovery community than tearing others down. I imagine that person would feel stronger in their own recovery if they focused on that, too.
For what it’s worth, I have read Quit Like A Woman 4 times since you published it and every time I highlight something new and it inspires me more than any other book on sobriety - and I have read them ALL!!! I’m nearly 67 years old, sober nearly 8 years and your strong feminist voice has been critical to my sustaining sobriety and also beating a sense of powerlessness that led to many bad life choices. I hope you will not take to heart those ridiculous articles written to discredit you - they pull you in because your name is well known and having it bashed will bring more readers. It’s a about dollars not about truth. I can not possibly express what your brave words have meant to me. THANK YOU X 100000000000000000000
At the risk of triggering Holly, God, that Jennifer Dines piece is a hit piece. I also have a huge allergy to her mentioning that she landed in the ER and spent time in the "dual diagnosis unit" at McLean Hospital-- a notoriously carceral psychiatric facility with a reputation for medical violence. McLean also offers a wildly misogynistic "borderline personality disorder program" designed to medicalize and pathologize female trauma survivors, that basically teaches women who have had complicated lives that they are manipulative and slutty.
If Dines feels she benefitted from working with for-profit institutions where men with medical degrees legally took her power away as part of her "recovery," of course she feels threatened by Holly. Of course she feels threatened by a democratic, accessible solution to recovery that is about tapping into what you're feeling, reclaiming your agency, and calling out the institutions/ drugs that profit off of us not feeling what we're feeling and keeping our lives small.
Holly, it took me six years to get sober. I'm at five-ish months today, and when I was truly ready, it was so easy that I don't even know what my sobriety date is. (Truly, I have no idea-- maybe Mother's Day was the last time I drank?) Discovering "Home" was the first positive domino that helped me move in the right direction; reading QLAW helped me get closer to ready in 2019. Today, I'm there. Keep doing what you're doing. Women across the country are benefiting from your work.
You did not trigger me. I read it and I considered sharing it here but I don't even usually share the nice articles about me so I thought, nah. Thank you for this further clarification and statement. And lordy lordy congrats. On six years, on five+? months. On all of it. Thank you. Love you.
"At the very least, we need authors to promote programs that have been tested according to rigorous scientific standards and to promote critical thinking rather than saleswomanship in their readers."
Neither of these criteria is even close to met by AA, yet she's happy to tout how successful (and free!) it is.
What a bunch of bullshit this whole article is. I did not start recovering (I hate that word), I did not start getting well, even after inpatient rehab and months of standard "treatment", until I read QLAW and WATL. THOSE were the game-changers for me, THOSE are the things that saved my life.
And can I just say this petty thing? Her writing is super boring.
And also, by the way, I partook of PAID services from Tempest, and Laura McKowen, which deepened my healing beyond words. I would not be where I am now without those services, that I needed desperately to save my own life.
Which service did you prefer - I have done tempest and looking at Laura's TLC which starts 1 November. I am not sober yet but I love the work Holly does and have read QLAW. I too need to save my life
Lol - I imagine I know you, Glennon, Abbey, Liz, Oprah, Michelle Obsma... need I go on?
(borderline creeps who do not know her personally but completely imagine we do)
We already see this for you!!
My wish is that what I see is a person who was brave enough to keep going, who wasn’t guided by her fear of being wrong, but her love of where she was at each step of the way.
lol. Same. I think it's the sense that these folks give us? But also here in this exchange, I feel like I know you too. The internet is wonderful and weird and terrible.
I went and found the article because I had to and I honestly clicked out halfway through reading it because it was so one note and just weirdly not even interesting for a total hit piece. How can someone be this mean but also that boring? Thats unique. Uniquely sad.
This made me think about how things can be both- I can be both the me I am today AND the me I was then. Life isn’t one photograph.
It also makes me think about how society can need us to stay in our boxes, and how that’s such an outdated way of thinking- you’re one thing for your whole life then you retire. It’s crap! We can be many people and still be ourselves- because we evolve and grow. The willingness to do that doesn’t make you wishy washy, it makes you wise.
This flawed idea of being one thing for your whole life - I also reject that idea as it applies to being an "alcoholic" for my whole life. I will not give myself that permanent label. I am someone who went through a time when I had serious issues with alcohol, I survived it, I healed the deep causes, I recovered. I'm not staying with that identity for the rest of my "one wild and precious life".
The amount of infighting in the addiction treatment space is unbelievable and ubiquitous - having worked at multiple addiction treatment facilities, it's a definite feature all around. And it's exhausting. Interesting to see how the rebuking and scolding is spilling out on to the internet in the form of trying to present thoughtfully considered arguments that ultimately function as just another way to artfully takedown, diminish, and judge as morally less superior the way someone finds their way to recovery.
It NEVER would have crossed my mind that someone would write an article about you in a negative light. Having an opinion is one thing, but did they really have enough material for a whole article?!?
I love all of this. Hear hear!
I would really love to read this fucking essay. Like, REALLY. Cannot wait for it, please make sure to send it to me. Thanks for this MJ.
You can link it!
Yay!!! for launching your 40-day course :) So many of us were forever changed by Hip Sobriety and the work you have done.
People are so shitty. It pisses me off that they write negative things about you.
House of the Dragon...I'm in too!
people are shitty! House of Dragon is GREAT.
I have really enjoyed re-doing the mantra project and for me it also brings back memories of 2016/2017 and the kind of person I was then, and the hopes and fears I had. We are all ever changing and can’t possibly be expected to apologise for that - in fact one of my favourite mantras from the project this time has been ‘I am allowed to change’. It must be exhausting to have to publicly defend that all the time, and I wish there wasn’t such an appetite for tearing people apart. On another note, both my kids have ADHD and getting the right care team - which includes a kinesiologist, chiropractors, lots of breathing and supplements in addition to meds - has made such a difference to them being able to thrive. Hope you are ok moving through that process, love you xx
YES! WE ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE. People love drama. I mean I think I read over five articles about Don't Worry Darling so I get it. Re the defending, I just don't. To me it just feels like it's crediting their arguments and giving them merit. Re the ADHD, I am. Digging in to all the research which, lord. love you.
Yes DWD 🤦🏼♀️. And all the tabloid bullshit! It’s a boring way to cut through the endless noise of content! If you ever want to talk re adhd options I’m here for you ❤️
Thank you Jose ♥️
Thank you for the reminder to give my past self grace.
<3 she deserves it.
The recent slaughtering of women in the recovery community speaking their truths and offering lines of hope to so many makes me want to projectile vomit. I feel a deep sense of fear that nudges me to stay quiet, avoid attention -- basically the very reasons I drank. Thank you for speaking up, and vocalizing the misogyny in all of these criticisms (including -- especially -- the article that just came out). I'd be more interested in what that writer is doing to support the recovery community than tearing others down. I imagine that person would feel stronger in their own recovery if they focused on that, too.
Amen. My hope is the same for the trolls as it is for myself. May this be a step on a path to greater clarity and compassion. We need it.
For what it’s worth, I have read Quit Like A Woman 4 times since you published it and every time I highlight something new and it inspires me more than any other book on sobriety - and I have read them ALL!!! I’m nearly 67 years old, sober nearly 8 years and your strong feminist voice has been critical to my sustaining sobriety and also beating a sense of powerlessness that led to many bad life choices. I hope you will not take to heart those ridiculous articles written to discredit you - they pull you in because your name is well known and having it bashed will bring more readers. It’s a about dollars not about truth. I can not possibly express what your brave words have meant to me. THANK YOU X 100000000000000000000
Jettie!!! It means the world that it had that impact. Thank you right back for your words.
Yes to all of this. It’s damn hard to go first. You’re my hero.
ILY.
At the risk of triggering Holly, God, that Jennifer Dines piece is a hit piece. I also have a huge allergy to her mentioning that she landed in the ER and spent time in the "dual diagnosis unit" at McLean Hospital-- a notoriously carceral psychiatric facility with a reputation for medical violence. McLean also offers a wildly misogynistic "borderline personality disorder program" designed to medicalize and pathologize female trauma survivors, that basically teaches women who have had complicated lives that they are manipulative and slutty.
If Dines feels she benefitted from working with for-profit institutions where men with medical degrees legally took her power away as part of her "recovery," of course she feels threatened by Holly. Of course she feels threatened by a democratic, accessible solution to recovery that is about tapping into what you're feeling, reclaiming your agency, and calling out the institutions/ drugs that profit off of us not feeling what we're feeling and keeping our lives small.
Holly, it took me six years to get sober. I'm at five-ish months today, and when I was truly ready, it was so easy that I don't even know what my sobriety date is. (Truly, I have no idea-- maybe Mother's Day was the last time I drank?) Discovering "Home" was the first positive domino that helped me move in the right direction; reading QLAW helped me get closer to ready in 2019. Today, I'm there. Keep doing what you're doing. Women across the country are benefiting from your work.
You did not trigger me. I read it and I considered sharing it here but I don't even usually share the nice articles about me so I thought, nah. Thank you for this further clarification and statement. And lordy lordy congrats. On six years, on five+? months. On all of it. Thank you. Love you.
"At the very least, we need authors to promote programs that have been tested according to rigorous scientific standards and to promote critical thinking rather than saleswomanship in their readers."
Neither of these criteria is even close to met by AA, yet she's happy to tout how successful (and free!) it is.
What a bunch of bullshit this whole article is. I did not start recovering (I hate that word), I did not start getting well, even after inpatient rehab and months of standard "treatment", until I read QLAW and WATL. THOSE were the game-changers for me, THOSE are the things that saved my life.
And can I just say this petty thing? Her writing is super boring.
Which did you prefer.......I did Tempest but am thinking TLC would be good to do
Thanks for the reply
I love you Diane.
And also, by the way, I partook of PAID services from Tempest, and Laura McKowen, which deepened my healing beyond words. I would not be where I am now without those services, that I needed desperately to save my own life.
Which service did you prefer - I have done tempest and looking at Laura's TLC which starts 1 November. I am not sober yet but I love the work Holly does and have read QLAW. I too need to save my life
Lol - I imagine I know you, Glennon, Abbey, Liz, Oprah, Michelle Obsma... need I go on?
(borderline creeps who do not know her personally but completely imagine we do)
We already see this for you!!
My wish is that what I see is a person who was brave enough to keep going, who wasn’t guided by her fear of being wrong, but her love of where she was at each step of the way.
lol. Same. I think it's the sense that these folks give us? But also here in this exchange, I feel like I know you too. The internet is wonderful and weird and terrible.
I went and found the article because I had to and I honestly clicked out halfway through reading it because it was so one note and just weirdly not even interesting for a total hit piece. How can someone be this mean but also that boring? Thats unique. Uniquely sad.
Jessica <3
Right???? I said it above... it was boring!
I love you too Holly. And you too, Laura.
This made me think about how things can be both- I can be both the me I am today AND the me I was then. Life isn’t one photograph.
It also makes me think about how society can need us to stay in our boxes, and how that’s such an outdated way of thinking- you’re one thing for your whole life then you retire. It’s crap! We can be many people and still be ourselves- because we evolve and grow. The willingness to do that doesn’t make you wishy washy, it makes you wise.
This flawed idea of being one thing for your whole life - I also reject that idea as it applies to being an "alcoholic" for my whole life. I will not give myself that permanent label. I am someone who went through a time when I had serious issues with alcohol, I survived it, I healed the deep causes, I recovered. I'm not staying with that identity for the rest of my "one wild and precious life".
Screw that writer, just trying to make a name for herself at your expense. Love you, love your writing, love how your mind works, love your courage
The amount of infighting in the addiction treatment space is unbelievable and ubiquitous - having worked at multiple addiction treatment facilities, it's a definite feature all around. And it's exhausting. Interesting to see how the rebuking and scolding is spilling out on to the internet in the form of trying to present thoughtfully considered arguments that ultimately function as just another way to artfully takedown, diminish, and judge as morally less superior the way someone finds their way to recovery.
It NEVER would have crossed my mind that someone would write an article about you in a negative light. Having an opinion is one thing, but did they really have enough material for a whole article?!?
And I love you for that