not me reading your writing the millisecond it arrives in my inbox … yes yes yes to all of this. I tried so long to look older to gain more acceptance in my professional as a lawyer, and why? So silly. The pain of lost time and regretted decisions is the dullest, unending pain.
I generally think people actually have no idea what a 30, 40, 50 or 60 year old woman looks like, who naturally ages. Mass media largely contains images of women who are frozen. It's all a bit same, same but different!
1. I love the poem “Weathering,” by Fleur Adcock; approaching age 48, I aspire to embody its essence. 2. I just gave myself a bruise trying to win gua sha.
I swear you somehow read my thoughts from afar & somehow put them into words that make sense. I’m a lot older than you but I’ve been having the same feelings about how did this happen. I’m old but I don’t know how I got here. Then I think why the hell did I waste so much time trying to be what I thought other people wanted when 1) I don’t really know what anyone wants & 2) I could have worried about what I want in this one fucking life I have. Hopefully I’ll live as long as my mother…she’s still alive, lol
Hey, I’m 75! Aging hits hard, especially for women, but I sure don’t want to be an old drunk. Yes sad that I wasted valuable time ditzing around, not even realizing I was supposed to be getting a life, but I did the best I could at the time.
For what it’s worth after I read about the yellow dress incident I jumped in my car and drove to Northampton (where all the young college women shop) and bought a yellow babydoll dress which I plan to wear on Friday with brown leggings (it works okay-ish) just BECAUSE. I am 67 in 7 days. Thank you. Every word you write resonates in some place in me that needs a voice.
Yes to all of this. I am 46 years old and just off the heels of spending three days At Bravocon, getting Covid from the Seattle to NYC, back to Seattle travel, and then watching 16 episodes of Love Island USA during my covid recovery. Note: There are 30 episodes but the legal limit should really be 16 plus the reunion special if you are of strong constitution. With all this said, I feel like i am now a voyeur into a life stage I’ve passed. I couldn’t believe the cute gal posses all dressed up with the intent to be out late and in THOSE shoes, no less! Then Id find myself chatting it up with some women who I thought were my peers, only to realize I have 20 years on them and learned to type on a typewriter, as they were born with the advent of the Blackberry. It’s daunting at times when I see myself in the mirror (especially after 15 episodes of LI USA) and go, Wow! Who’s that?! I was a girl and now I’m a lady. But sometimes when I have that “who is that?” moment in the mirror, I harken back to before the pandemic when that Aging app was going around. I remember taking a photo, uploading it to the app, (Which would later be revealed as a hacker database,) and and watching myself transformed into someone in their 70s. When I saw the picture, I actually smiled!! It was a grandma Nicole! She looked so peaceful and nice. Grandma Nicole definitely put on too much perfume, was not a cook, wore sequins to non sequins events, She talked too loud, too much, and too often. But she had sparkling eyes, looked content, and like she was done worrying about being judged by other people. I think I smiled because i know deep down, i was the least secure when i looked the most “capitalistically beautiful” and by the time this lady catches up to that one, I’ll be in an even better place with respect to NGAF. But also, this past year I think i spent $500 on anti aging products, which is only $300 more than my sequin spend Sooooo....baby steps?
I too am addicted to Honey Mama's. When my friend and I crossed the border back into the United States after almost a year of living in Mexico, I suggested we pick some up at Whole Foods. "I overdosed on it last year," she said, and we kept driving.
I’m a man in his late 40s. I’ve been clean and sober five years & 363 days, Friday marks six years. I have often tried to explain why, seeing my own face in the mirror, sometimes makes me cry. The combination of drugs and alcohol I was addicted to for more than 20 years have wipedso many of my memories —so much of that life that I lived. so when I see myself, it’s a combination of grief, gratitude, and a whole range of other feelings. I am fortunate that my partner finds my gray hairs charming. That I cheated death is great… but no one actually cheats death, and somehow the person staring back at me knows this & is counting wrinkles, scars, friends dead, or the money lost— while the one looking just can’t believe it.
This this this all of this. The liminal second puberty into menopause, the gray eyelashes (!), the body that looks like a mom even though I never birthed a child. Older people insist I’m young, and I don’t care to know what the younger people think. Who am I now? Who was I then?
DID YOU INVADE MY SOUL?? You must have bc this is EXACTLY HOW I'VE BEEN FEELING LATELY. Only I'm 52, and not whatever younger-than-fuck age you are, sweetness, lol. I find myself crying a lot. And you know me, I am NOT A FUCKING CRIER!!! ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M OLD. How did that happen?! I look ancient and I fucking hate it. I'm getting a fasting blood test this Friday to see if I'm starting menopause and when it comes back with a big fat YES I'll probably cry some more and go buy some goddamn Ben & Jerry's.
I LOVE YOU. Call me sometime, boo. We can commiserate and laugh and cry and whatever the fuck else.
not me reading your writing the millisecond it arrives in my inbox … yes yes yes to all of this. I tried so long to look older to gain more acceptance in my professional as a lawyer, and why? So silly. The pain of lost time and regretted decisions is the dullest, unending pain.
I generally think people actually have no idea what a 30, 40, 50 or 60 year old woman looks like, who naturally ages. Mass media largely contains images of women who are frozen. It's all a bit same, same but different!
I love you so much, and admire so much your ability to put into words what is real for many of us. You radiant being, you. xxoo
1. I love the poem “Weathering,” by Fleur Adcock; approaching age 48, I aspire to embody its essence. 2. I just gave myself a bruise trying to win gua sha.
I swear you somehow read my thoughts from afar & somehow put them into words that make sense. I’m a lot older than you but I’ve been having the same feelings about how did this happen. I’m old but I don’t know how I got here. Then I think why the hell did I waste so much time trying to be what I thought other people wanted when 1) I don’t really know what anyone wants & 2) I could have worried about what I want in this one fucking life I have. Hopefully I’ll live as long as my mother…she’s still alive, lol
Hey, I’m 75! Aging hits hard, especially for women, but I sure don’t want to be an old drunk. Yes sad that I wasted valuable time ditzing around, not even realizing I was supposed to be getting a life, but I did the best I could at the time.
For what it’s worth after I read about the yellow dress incident I jumped in my car and drove to Northampton (where all the young college women shop) and bought a yellow babydoll dress which I plan to wear on Friday with brown leggings (it works okay-ish) just BECAUSE. I am 67 in 7 days. Thank you. Every word you write resonates in some place in me that needs a voice.
Yes to all of this. I am 46 years old and just off the heels of spending three days At Bravocon, getting Covid from the Seattle to NYC, back to Seattle travel, and then watching 16 episodes of Love Island USA during my covid recovery. Note: There are 30 episodes but the legal limit should really be 16 plus the reunion special if you are of strong constitution. With all this said, I feel like i am now a voyeur into a life stage I’ve passed. I couldn’t believe the cute gal posses all dressed up with the intent to be out late and in THOSE shoes, no less! Then Id find myself chatting it up with some women who I thought were my peers, only to realize I have 20 years on them and learned to type on a typewriter, as they were born with the advent of the Blackberry. It’s daunting at times when I see myself in the mirror (especially after 15 episodes of LI USA) and go, Wow! Who’s that?! I was a girl and now I’m a lady. But sometimes when I have that “who is that?” moment in the mirror, I harken back to before the pandemic when that Aging app was going around. I remember taking a photo, uploading it to the app, (Which would later be revealed as a hacker database,) and and watching myself transformed into someone in their 70s. When I saw the picture, I actually smiled!! It was a grandma Nicole! She looked so peaceful and nice. Grandma Nicole definitely put on too much perfume, was not a cook, wore sequins to non sequins events, She talked too loud, too much, and too often. But she had sparkling eyes, looked content, and like she was done worrying about being judged by other people. I think I smiled because i know deep down, i was the least secure when i looked the most “capitalistically beautiful” and by the time this lady catches up to that one, I’ll be in an even better place with respect to NGAF. But also, this past year I think i spent $500 on anti aging products, which is only $300 more than my sequin spend Sooooo....baby steps?
I too am addicted to Honey Mama's. When my friend and I crossed the border back into the United States after almost a year of living in Mexico, I suggested we pick some up at Whole Foods. "I overdosed on it last year," she said, and we kept driving.
I’m a man in his late 40s. I’ve been clean and sober five years & 363 days, Friday marks six years. I have often tried to explain why, seeing my own face in the mirror, sometimes makes me cry. The combination of drugs and alcohol I was addicted to for more than 20 years have wipedso many of my memories —so much of that life that I lived. so when I see myself, it’s a combination of grief, gratitude, and a whole range of other feelings. I am fortunate that my partner finds my gray hairs charming. That I cheated death is great… but no one actually cheats death, and somehow the person staring back at me knows this & is counting wrinkles, scars, friends dead, or the money lost— while the one looking just can’t believe it.
I love you. ❤️
This this this all of this. The liminal second puberty into menopause, the gray eyelashes (!), the body that looks like a mom even though I never birthed a child. Older people insist I’m young, and I don’t care to know what the younger people think. Who am I now? Who was I then?
DID YOU INVADE MY SOUL?? You must have bc this is EXACTLY HOW I'VE BEEN FEELING LATELY. Only I'm 52, and not whatever younger-than-fuck age you are, sweetness, lol. I find myself crying a lot. And you know me, I am NOT A FUCKING CRIER!!! ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M OLD. How did that happen?! I look ancient and I fucking hate it. I'm getting a fasting blood test this Friday to see if I'm starting menopause and when it comes back with a big fat YES I'll probably cry some more and go buy some goddamn Ben & Jerry's.
I LOVE YOU. Call me sometime, boo. We can commiserate and laugh and cry and whatever the fuck else.
KISSES AND HUGS, MY HOLLYBEAR! ❤❤❤