This essay reminded me of a client I worked with for quite a few years.
In his very first session, he said to me,
“I don’t want to come out of this hating my mother”
By the time we were done he had realised the importance of allowing himself to hate her so that he no longer had to. The ego digging in before being dissolved.
Ahhhh. Just listed to Baratunde Thurston on a podcast describe the reckoning he came to with his beloved mother years after her death as a result of his finally accepting and knowing her. He scaled this and compared it to how we as citizens of this country and the world can only embrace and accept one another once we truly and honestly know one another. Love this . . .
As for me, I'm free from alcohol and absolutely addicted to performance, achievement, and productivity. As usual, you're onto something Holly. I sure hope its the the ego dissolving. Love your big thoughts and bravery in sharing.
Thanks for this. I think about this fracture all the time too, am glad I'm not alone and now think that lots of us are thinking about it which is good news. It's been hard to put into words so I've not discussed it with anyone at length. I think all your ideas for possible causes are simultaneously true. And the ego digging in on the threshold of being dissolved framing is so much better than the dying dinosaur taking its last growl and swipe.
I loved this piece. The fracture is bloody exhausting. Currently swinging wildly between "creatives need time to sit around and do nothing," and "I need to finish all my projects by (latest) October by waking up at 4.30am every day and adhering to a strict no nonsense writing/eating/training schedule," type thing.
I feel all of this, deeply. How can I wake up at 4:30 and be productive AND lie on my back in a meadow and watch the clouds (and also, like, eat? walk the dog?)?
For a few weeks now, I've experienced strange pains in my chest. Went to the doctor, the whole thing. It wasn't anything "life-threatening," but I realized it's what this essay is about. This chasm we're living inside. And I feel like we're stuck in the chasm, getting bombarded from both sides. I am the five year old with the chainsaw. "Addiction, in general, makes more sense to me than the absence of it does, especially right now." OOF, right? Thanks for being able to work this weird feeling out in words.
I’m 64. Working with no retirement in sight. I’m told daily by books, podcasts, friends, and my doc that anytime after next year if I fall and break something, the odds are I will be dead on 12 months. I eat “heathy,” but my ldl particles are “high.” That’s bad. But size matters. I, too, wake at 4:30am after the requisite eight hours of sleep and meditate followed by other things that soothe my soul, keep my arteries clear, and strengthen my weakening bones before heading off to a soul-crushing job which probably obliterates all the aforementioned effort. But, here’s my question... I have this weird suspicion that most Americans just live their lives oblivious to all this noise and information. So stranded on their own island of their own perspective. Not saying this is good or bad. I can definitely see the benefits. But, but living in the fractured world, and knowing you are living in a fractured world is indeed hard. Even so, I don’t think I want it any other way. Let’s fasten our seat belts...
Ohhhh...I love this. It astonishes me every day how little people around me seem to be paying attention. I don't know if that is a bad or a good thing...it just is. Then there's me constantly oscillating between some state of frantic "what is this world coming to" and peace / joy. In the end, I think you are right. I think I'm good with being open to it all.
I read my partner my favorite parts of this essay. His response: 95% of Americans would never understand this. My response: She’s not writing for them:) Im sorry to hear about your yucky job. I hope things change for the better for you 🩷.
Aw, thank you, Nicole! Some days are better than others. :) Your husband is so right. My friends have all checked out and buried their heads firmly in the sand. That’s why I value Holly’s perspective, her community, and forums like this so much A check-in once in a while to confirm I’m not the only one experiencing and feeling all the crazy going on around us!
This is so so good holly. I’m ashamed of how many times I’ve googled ozempic while thinking I should just meditate and go for a walk, and eating an entire bag of lollies while trying to eat only organic food. It’s exhausting! You’ve nailed it with the collective consciousness but also that element of self destruction. Loved reading this! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
The thing about doing our most infantile work right before a breakthrough feels like everything that's happening right now. Probably yes outside in the world, definitely yes, inside of me.
I have an essay going up tomorrow about the book Please Unsubscribe, Thanks! by Julio Vincent Gambuto which I just read and which is making me think so much about these corporate systems that have encouraged me to numbly click-to-buy, buy more stuff, just subscribe, be a loyalty member, do whatever Instagram says. I'm not on social media anymore, but that infant artist in me wants to keep buying cute shoes instead of having the breakthrough.
I have a print journalism background and I like to think I can find what I need, but you REALLY find what I never knew I needed. Your perspective is an unrecycled observation on where we are, who we are and what we need right now. Thank you for the fresh air.
Great essay. Thank you. I believe that we are experiencing an ego-tantrum before transformation, but of course, transformation keeps happening, so the ego keeps screaming.
I also often feel like I'm on the outside of culture looking in, but it's because I'm neurodivergent. I find that the less I try to mask that, the more on the outside I feel.
Amy thanks for this comment, agree agree. And from my whole heart: thank you for trying to lessen the masking. It at least makes me feel less alone, less outside.
I could not possibly relate to this more nor could I have ever articulated it all as you have done. Thank you for this. I feel everything you wrote about here in my soul.
Bravo, Holly! I wish I could remember what spirituality book I read this in, but the line goes something like, "Humans are the addicted species". Addiction to the belief that we are our egos is the launching pad for all other addictions in my opinion. I don't suppose humans will become free from addictions any time soon, so in the meantime, we arrange them hierarchically in order to establish ego superiority or inferiority. Aren't we an ingenious bunch? 😜
Holly, I love your writing on alcohol, women, and culture so much (thank you for setting the fire of my sobriety alight). But I love your writing on women and culture even more. Something about this newsletter felt like a expansion, and it was a joy to read. I hope it felt expansive to write. Oh, and thank you for making me feel less alone about Adam Grant. I often wish for a(n effective) way to tell him that women really, truly don't need his "help."
What an incredible piece, as per standard Holly. You’re ability to give words to some extremely challenging meta problems while describing how this impacts individuals is a very rare talent. Watching your writing evolve over the months and years has been a privilege... even though you’re in a place where you’re dissatisfied with your writing, know to us, it’s fucking brilliant. Keep going, and thank you x
Wow — I’m reeling a little bit. These are all separately things I’ve been contemplating every day, but I never thought of them as being tied together like this and it’s making me feel like everything finally makes sense.
I hope you will keep exploring this. I believe you are onto something.
What you cited from Sophie Strand, "the disintegration of opposites altogether," feels like the next evolutionary leap, no wonder we're all hanging on for dear life! When you consider opposites though, the drunk/sober binary of the body feels more doable, but essential, before we can tackle other opposing pairs. A useful meditation... the center of a Venn diagram containing sobriety and addiction. Until we can stay in the commonality of that space we will remain fractured.
This essay reminded me of a client I worked with for quite a few years.
In his very first session, he said to me,
“I don’t want to come out of this hating my mother”
By the time we were done he had realised the importance of allowing himself to hate her so that he no longer had to. The ego digging in before being dissolved.
Ahhhh. Just listed to Baratunde Thurston on a podcast describe the reckoning he came to with his beloved mother years after her death as a result of his finally accepting and knowing her. He scaled this and compared it to how we as citizens of this country and the world can only embrace and accept one another once we truly and honestly know one another. Love this . . .
Yes, exactly, and part of knowing the world is knowing and accepting ourselves as we are.
As for me, I'm free from alcohol and absolutely addicted to performance, achievement, and productivity. As usual, you're onto something Holly. I sure hope its the the ego dissolving. Love your big thoughts and bravery in sharing.
Thanks for this. I think about this fracture all the time too, am glad I'm not alone and now think that lots of us are thinking about it which is good news. It's been hard to put into words so I've not discussed it with anyone at length. I think all your ideas for possible causes are simultaneously true. And the ego digging in on the threshold of being dissolved framing is so much better than the dying dinosaur taking its last growl and swipe.
I loved this piece. The fracture is bloody exhausting. Currently swinging wildly between "creatives need time to sit around and do nothing," and "I need to finish all my projects by (latest) October by waking up at 4.30am every day and adhering to a strict no nonsense writing/eating/training schedule," type thing.
I feel all of this, deeply. How can I wake up at 4:30 and be productive AND lie on my back in a meadow and watch the clouds (and also, like, eat? walk the dog?)?
I know, right!!?? Forever living in the spaces between. Highly confusing!xx
I have this feeling I should just gracefully flow between all of these activities but I have never gracefully flowed anywhere in my life.
For a few weeks now, I've experienced strange pains in my chest. Went to the doctor, the whole thing. It wasn't anything "life-threatening," but I realized it's what this essay is about. This chasm we're living inside. And I feel like we're stuck in the chasm, getting bombarded from both sides. I am the five year old with the chainsaw. "Addiction, in general, makes more sense to me than the absence of it does, especially right now." OOF, right? Thanks for being able to work this weird feeling out in words.
I’m 64. Working with no retirement in sight. I’m told daily by books, podcasts, friends, and my doc that anytime after next year if I fall and break something, the odds are I will be dead on 12 months. I eat “heathy,” but my ldl particles are “high.” That’s bad. But size matters. I, too, wake at 4:30am after the requisite eight hours of sleep and meditate followed by other things that soothe my soul, keep my arteries clear, and strengthen my weakening bones before heading off to a soul-crushing job which probably obliterates all the aforementioned effort. But, here’s my question... I have this weird suspicion that most Americans just live their lives oblivious to all this noise and information. So stranded on their own island of their own perspective. Not saying this is good or bad. I can definitely see the benefits. But, but living in the fractured world, and knowing you are living in a fractured world is indeed hard. Even so, I don’t think I want it any other way. Let’s fasten our seat belts...
The last sentence ♥️
Ohhhh...I love this. It astonishes me every day how little people around me seem to be paying attention. I don't know if that is a bad or a good thing...it just is. Then there's me constantly oscillating between some state of frantic "what is this world coming to" and peace / joy. In the end, I think you are right. I think I'm good with being open to it all.
I read my partner my favorite parts of this essay. His response: 95% of Americans would never understand this. My response: She’s not writing for them:) Im sorry to hear about your yucky job. I hope things change for the better for you 🩷.
Aw, thank you, Nicole! Some days are better than others. :) Your husband is so right. My friends have all checked out and buried their heads firmly in the sand. That’s why I value Holly’s perspective, her community, and forums like this so much A check-in once in a while to confirm I’m not the only one experiencing and feeling all the crazy going on around us!
This is so so good holly. I’m ashamed of how many times I’ve googled ozempic while thinking I should just meditate and go for a walk, and eating an entire bag of lollies while trying to eat only organic food. It’s exhausting! You’ve nailed it with the collective consciousness but also that element of self destruction. Loved reading this! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
The thing about doing our most infantile work right before a breakthrough feels like everything that's happening right now. Probably yes outside in the world, definitely yes, inside of me.
I have an essay going up tomorrow about the book Please Unsubscribe, Thanks! by Julio Vincent Gambuto which I just read and which is making me think so much about these corporate systems that have encouraged me to numbly click-to-buy, buy more stuff, just subscribe, be a loyalty member, do whatever Instagram says. I'm not on social media anymore, but that infant artist in me wants to keep buying cute shoes instead of having the breakthrough.
1000 times yes!
I have a print journalism background and I like to think I can find what I need, but you REALLY find what I never knew I needed. Your perspective is an unrecycled observation on where we are, who we are and what we need right now. Thank you for the fresh air.
Great essay. Thank you. I believe that we are experiencing an ego-tantrum before transformation, but of course, transformation keeps happening, so the ego keeps screaming.
I also often feel like I'm on the outside of culture looking in, but it's because I'm neurodivergent. I find that the less I try to mask that, the more on the outside I feel.
Amy thanks for this comment, agree agree. And from my whole heart: thank you for trying to lessen the masking. It at least makes me feel less alone, less outside.
I could not possibly relate to this more nor could I have ever articulated it all as you have done. Thank you for this. I feel everything you wrote about here in my soul.
(Rubs heart)
Bravo, Holly! I wish I could remember what spirituality book I read this in, but the line goes something like, "Humans are the addicted species". Addiction to the belief that we are our egos is the launching pad for all other addictions in my opinion. I don't suppose humans will become free from addictions any time soon, so in the meantime, we arrange them hierarchically in order to establish ego superiority or inferiority. Aren't we an ingenious bunch? 😜
Lol- this is a great observation!
Ohh this.
Holly, I love your writing on alcohol, women, and culture so much (thank you for setting the fire of my sobriety alight). But I love your writing on women and culture even more. Something about this newsletter felt like a expansion, and it was a joy to read. I hope it felt expansive to write. Oh, and thank you for making me feel less alone about Adam Grant. I often wish for a(n effective) way to tell him that women really, truly don't need his "help."
thank you, truly, and THANK YOU. Yes make him stop I can’t.
What an incredible piece, as per standard Holly. You’re ability to give words to some extremely challenging meta problems while describing how this impacts individuals is a very rare talent. Watching your writing evolve over the months and years has been a privilege... even though you’re in a place where you’re dissatisfied with your writing, know to us, it’s fucking brilliant. Keep going, and thank you x
Wow — I’m reeling a little bit. These are all separately things I’ve been contemplating every day, but I never thought of them as being tied together like this and it’s making me feel like everything finally makes sense.
I hope you will keep exploring this. I believe you are onto something.
What you cited from Sophie Strand, "the disintegration of opposites altogether," feels like the next evolutionary leap, no wonder we're all hanging on for dear life! When you consider opposites though, the drunk/sober binary of the body feels more doable, but essential, before we can tackle other opposing pairs. A useful meditation... the center of a Venn diagram containing sobriety and addiction. Until we can stay in the commonality of that space we will remain fractured.
I love this Con. (And I hope you read her book and report back!)