I agree with all of this wholeheartedly, and find it both terrifying and exhilarating. Our current destruction of the status quo can only bring about a radical new future through some level of self-immolation. It reminds me of the fake squid alien in Watchmen uniting humanity, except in case of a single individual producing the catastrophe, we all manufacture it every day by prioritizing our differences with each other over our similarities.
It’s good to point towards beacons of hope however imperceptible they seem to be right now. Like true gratitude, hope is often found in the smallest things that may seem insignificant until they gain the inertia inevitable through persistence. Podcasts hosted by individuals from polar opposite political ideologies finding common ground, for example, are inspiring simply because they show what might be achieved if we were more interested in being happy and connected than we are in being right and destructively disparate. Lovely piece. Thanks as always.
So well put and I'd add that we're so conditioned to look for the negative and blow it up and focus on it that it takes a lot of work for us to overcome that bias. Total aside but yesterday I asked a friend (who probably isn't in my demographic, but close enough) if I should title this "On (the power of) collectively bottoming out" or "On collectively bottoming out" and she said the second, because the words (the power of) felt like she would have to do something, where as the second one matched her mood/felt more voyeuristic and I thought that was SO interesting.
Ha! That really is interesting. Note to self: Stop using titles like "How to be a failure" because people don't want a call to action until they decide it's time to act. Makes a lot of sense now I've written it down.
This footnote right here is my favorite part and reminds me of the History and Systems of Psychology class I took in grad school. Most things are a rebellion against the the thing or idea that immediately preceded it. (Which sadly apparently includes Gen Z praising Bin Laden 🙄)
“Think of how the enlightenment (rational, modernity) and individuality/meritocracy was a response to what came before, which was organized religion (rule-based, communal>self, theistic), or how deconstructionism was a response to Grand Narratives, or how Gen Z doesn’t drink alcohol because all their Gen X parents owned beer bongs. We swing in the opposite direction.“
Ahhh you replied to my comment 😁 I might be fangirling just a little! I found your work via Emily McDowell and the Quitted podcast. I enjoy your writing and always learn a lot from your POV. And I’m a nerd, so I almost always read the footnotes 🤣
I've become so cynical and resigned, apropos of *everything (most of which you've mentioned). But it's not my true nature. I can't stay here if I want to be on this side of my recovery. Thanks for the bit about hope. xo
Nov 17, 2023·edited Nov 17, 2023Liked by Holly Whitaker
Right on to this, and to more. Lots to think about. I’ll be reading this again; I’m about to read that failure to cope in capitalism article; I think you linked that before, and it's also worth a re-read. All these ideas make me think of my students, and the struggles they are experiencing and how the binary between a structural solution and an individual solution is hampering our ability to figure out how to proceed with their education, and, for that matter, what their role is in their own education, and whether college is to prepare for the workforce, or for democracy, or for self-improvement, etc.... So much to think about. Thank you!
Ohhh yes, which is truly it right, the structural and the individual. Like these two things both matter, it's not one over the other, and having to choose between them feels like part of the issue?
I feel on both a micro and macro level we are forced to confront our imperfections - not just of ourselves but the systems with which we have been encouraged to see as perfect. One example might be medicine (listen to Kate Kettrick describing this in a youtube video with Charles Eistenstein) .
Everywhere all of us are trying to hide those bulgy bits of ourselves and our lives that we see as undesirable and as a result shameful in order to feel good about ourselves. On a macro level the politicians and corporations marketing promises are attempting to hide the gruelling statistics indicating declining wellbeing, their inability to be able to resolve international disputes by talking without engaging arms and the massive gap between rich and poor.
I don't know about you but hitting rock bottom in myself, and therefore potentially in our local and global communities means there is no more energy left for hiding or public relations gloss both in them and the swallowing of that in us ... there is just too much of the shit is oozing out everywhere. Only then do I really accept the need for change - and it would seem to me that a big part of that change would be to acknowledge as you have done - sometimes we get things wrong, we make mistakes and as you have described we acknowledge the need to do things differently and we commit to that path because when we think back, the shudder we experience of the memory keeps us oriented towards something different.
It is tempting to think that those on the world stage are the ones that need to do this but all of us have the power to stop swallowing the bullshit story that we should be perfect and instead own up to the messiness of ourselves and our relationships with each other. When we do that, it is much easier to first spot and then challenge the glib storyline, the bullshit excuse or the improper actions of those who claim to represent us. In that way we all change the storyline we live by.
A thought: “getting along” is a practice we have to be kinda forced into. Schools try, but what about in adult life? I live in Norway off and on, and when you quit or are fired most people have three months notice. In my observation this has been wonderful for forcing people who no longer want to work together (whoever initiated it either employer or employee) forcing people to keep doing their work, keep polite with colleagues, even have a goodbye lunch. Its long enough that the disagreement has faded a bit, and people part more friendly.
That our workplaces in America don’t treat us with respect is like a model for not treating each other with respect. And it is this environment we should actually be forced to get along as good practice for a more peaceful society.
This essay also got me thinking about the American workplace and how little room there is for vulnerability at any level. For upper managers to the least empowered workers, performance is measured by a perfection standard. To the extent that such performance that falls short of 100% (whatever that means), "deficiencies" are concealed (eg CEOs denying / ignoring employee grievances for fear it implicated their "leadership") or punished (eg warehouse workers scored, and disciplined, on the speed of their performance). Zero tolerance. Zero grace. Nothing to talk about and very few labor unions to force a conversation.
I'm not connecting the dots on my fuller thought yet but it has something to do with the need for more space in the American workplace for workers on all rungs of the ladder to be heard, which requires vulnerability on all rungs of the ladder, which starts with, as you note, authentic respect for one another as humans. Or something like that. This is a foreign concept to contemporary American workers (because we learn that we "serve" at the behest of our employers) so we have a lot of learn / relearn. I love to think about the possibility that vibrant labor organizing happening in the US right now moves us closer to this vulnerable, and transformative space but who knows?
"We are breaking, which means we are leaping." Yes . Please, more on this. And thank you. Krista Tippet has been working with many of these ideas lately, would love to hear you and she in conversation.
Nope, she's back and seems to be honing in also on the difficulty of holding conflicting ideas and the possibilities for liberation that are emerging in spite of (or as a result of) all of the heartbreak and destruction.
It makes total sense to me.
I agree with all of this wholeheartedly, and find it both terrifying and exhilarating. Our current destruction of the status quo can only bring about a radical new future through some level of self-immolation. It reminds me of the fake squid alien in Watchmen uniting humanity, except in case of a single individual producing the catastrophe, we all manufacture it every day by prioritizing our differences with each other over our similarities.
yes to this.
It’s good to point towards beacons of hope however imperceptible they seem to be right now. Like true gratitude, hope is often found in the smallest things that may seem insignificant until they gain the inertia inevitable through persistence. Podcasts hosted by individuals from polar opposite political ideologies finding common ground, for example, are inspiring simply because they show what might be achieved if we were more interested in being happy and connected than we are in being right and destructively disparate. Lovely piece. Thanks as always.
So well put and I'd add that we're so conditioned to look for the negative and blow it up and focus on it that it takes a lot of work for us to overcome that bias. Total aside but yesterday I asked a friend (who probably isn't in my demographic, but close enough) if I should title this "On (the power of) collectively bottoming out" or "On collectively bottoming out" and she said the second, because the words (the power of) felt like she would have to do something, where as the second one matched her mood/felt more voyeuristic and I thought that was SO interesting.
Ha! That really is interesting. Note to self: Stop using titles like "How to be a failure" because people don't want a call to action until they decide it's time to act. Makes a lot of sense now I've written it down.
Ha! No I think that would grab me.
RE this: "but I’m curious about what you think, and if you’re even interested in it." Love it. More please.
Thanks Larrold!
This footnote right here is my favorite part and reminds me of the History and Systems of Psychology class I took in grad school. Most things are a rebellion against the the thing or idea that immediately preceded it. (Which sadly apparently includes Gen Z praising Bin Laden 🙄)
“Think of how the enlightenment (rational, modernity) and individuality/meritocracy was a response to what came before, which was organized religion (rule-based, communal>self, theistic), or how deconstructionism was a response to Grand Narratives, or how Gen Z doesn’t drink alcohol because all their Gen X parents owned beer bongs. We swing in the opposite direction.“
I AM SO GLAD YOU READ THE FOOTNOTES!
Ahhh you replied to my comment 😁 I might be fangirling just a little! I found your work via Emily McDowell and the Quitted podcast. I enjoy your writing and always learn a lot from your POV. And I’m a nerd, so I almost always read the footnotes 🤣
I usually try to!! 🥰
Yes yes
<3
I've become so cynical and resigned, apropos of *everything (most of which you've mentioned). But it's not my true nature. I can't stay here if I want to be on this side of my recovery. Thanks for the bit about hope. xo
I feel exactly the same.
Right on to this, and to more. Lots to think about. I’ll be reading this again; I’m about to read that failure to cope in capitalism article; I think you linked that before, and it's also worth a re-read. All these ideas make me think of my students, and the struggles they are experiencing and how the binary between a structural solution and an individual solution is hampering our ability to figure out how to proceed with their education, and, for that matter, what their role is in their own education, and whether college is to prepare for the workforce, or for democracy, or for self-improvement, etc.... So much to think about. Thank you!
Ohhh yes, which is truly it right, the structural and the individual. Like these two things both matter, it's not one over the other, and having to choose between them feels like part of the issue?
Congrats on your new book idea 💜💜
ty!! <3
Damn good! Elevated! I felt like I was listening to you talk without taking a breath and it was awesome.
Sherry <3
Fuck. Yeah. Has me wanting to say Yee haw which feels inappropriate and crass and just so ofd the mark, but honestly, Yee haw.
mmm hmm. I know what you mean.
My God, you are brilliant!
My God, you are brilliant!
I feel on both a micro and macro level we are forced to confront our imperfections - not just of ourselves but the systems with which we have been encouraged to see as perfect. One example might be medicine (listen to Kate Kettrick describing this in a youtube video with Charles Eistenstein) .
Everywhere all of us are trying to hide those bulgy bits of ourselves and our lives that we see as undesirable and as a result shameful in order to feel good about ourselves. On a macro level the politicians and corporations marketing promises are attempting to hide the gruelling statistics indicating declining wellbeing, their inability to be able to resolve international disputes by talking without engaging arms and the massive gap between rich and poor.
I don't know about you but hitting rock bottom in myself, and therefore potentially in our local and global communities means there is no more energy left for hiding or public relations gloss both in them and the swallowing of that in us ... there is just too much of the shit is oozing out everywhere. Only then do I really accept the need for change - and it would seem to me that a big part of that change would be to acknowledge as you have done - sometimes we get things wrong, we make mistakes and as you have described we acknowledge the need to do things differently and we commit to that path because when we think back, the shudder we experience of the memory keeps us oriented towards something different.
It is tempting to think that those on the world stage are the ones that need to do this but all of us have the power to stop swallowing the bullshit story that we should be perfect and instead own up to the messiness of ourselves and our relationships with each other. When we do that, it is much easier to first spot and then challenge the glib storyline, the bullshit excuse or the improper actions of those who claim to represent us. In that way we all change the storyline we live by.
A thought: “getting along” is a practice we have to be kinda forced into. Schools try, but what about in adult life? I live in Norway off and on, and when you quit or are fired most people have three months notice. In my observation this has been wonderful for forcing people who no longer want to work together (whoever initiated it either employer or employee) forcing people to keep doing their work, keep polite with colleagues, even have a goodbye lunch. Its long enough that the disagreement has faded a bit, and people part more friendly.
That our workplaces in America don’t treat us with respect is like a model for not treating each other with respect. And it is this environment we should actually be forced to get along as good practice for a more peaceful society.
This essay also got me thinking about the American workplace and how little room there is for vulnerability at any level. For upper managers to the least empowered workers, performance is measured by a perfection standard. To the extent that such performance that falls short of 100% (whatever that means), "deficiencies" are concealed (eg CEOs denying / ignoring employee grievances for fear it implicated their "leadership") or punished (eg warehouse workers scored, and disciplined, on the speed of their performance). Zero tolerance. Zero grace. Nothing to talk about and very few labor unions to force a conversation.
I'm not connecting the dots on my fuller thought yet but it has something to do with the need for more space in the American workplace for workers on all rungs of the ladder to be heard, which requires vulnerability on all rungs of the ladder, which starts with, as you note, authentic respect for one another as humans. Or something like that. This is a foreign concept to contemporary American workers (because we learn that we "serve" at the behest of our employers) so we have a lot of learn / relearn. I love to think about the possibility that vibrant labor organizing happening in the US right now moves us closer to this vulnerable, and transformative space but who knows?
"We are breaking, which means we are leaping." Yes . Please, more on this. And thank you. Krista Tippet has been working with many of these ideas lately, would love to hear you and she in conversation.
lol me too. I thought her podcast was over?
Nope, she's back and seems to be honing in also on the difficulty of holding conflicting ideas and the possibilities for liberation that are emerging in spite of (or as a result of) all of the heartbreak and destruction.