I loved reading this so much. Lately, I've been thinking about how I'm actually at my best when I embarrass myself with my own earnestness. For my whole life I've been terrified of this, looking back on those moments with disdain. Like I'd really fucked up when I opened my heart in a pure manner and it didn't land just right. I wouldn't say those moments have started feeling "good", but I've started smiling at the memories--in tandem with the cringe. There's really nothing sweeter than embarrassing ourselves from a place of uncurated affection. I wish we talked about this more. Thanks for doing so <3
Holly in my inbox today! 🤸 I so needed to start my day with, “Just, diarrhea feelings” and “bone-killer poem.” I love your words and wisdom and spit-out-my-coffee humor so much. They helped me get sober (and—gasp--even be damn proud of it), and they helped me say scary shit out loud (like, “I am a writer”), so basically you helped saved my life. But today you’ve reminded me about other things. Like standing in fields unpolished and unsilly and fully worthy. And…you finished your second book with a third on the way?! (👏🏻👏🏻!!) I don’t know what is the opposite of “diarrhea feelings,” but I’m having all of those big time over this thrilling news. And, of course, I’m prob not alone in wondering as we continued reading if you were, in fact, going to share The Poem. I was hoping you would. But then, after I finished reading, I realized it was so special that you didn’t. I love the way you show up. Only you could turn unflushed toilet analogies into a breath of fresh air. ;)
"If the last few years have taught me anything at all, it’s that the externalities, including how other people feel toward you, including how your new boyfriend feels towards you, are always and forever fleeting. In a past life I yoked my worth to my success, which means I yoked my worth to my failures, and it broke me. You probably remember; you were probably there."
I was there; I am there. I am 65 years old (today), standing in that field still yoked to all my failures--in love, in art, in financial worth and self-. How do I un-yoke? How do I piece myself together again while leaving that rotten or at least once serviceable but now strangling piece in the field? Methinks this is what one of your new books is about? Me hopes?
Thank you for coming back; your words, your failures, your un-flushed poop: what a gift.
oh gosh I wish I knew. I think you un-yoke by maybe realizing you're yoked in the first place? Maybe it hurts? I wish i knew but it sounds like you know a lot. Its something I think about all the time and I'm sure it will keep showing up in here. Thanks so much for this. <3
This is exactly what I was about to write! Haven’t even read the piece but just so happy to see you back! Saving this for after work so I don’t have to hurry lol.
Oh yes, you are here again ❤️ To help me get over the last hurdles of quitting Fentanyl because I'm not dying anymore, I promoted from terminal to chronic illness. Recovering. And hooray, you found someone worthy of you. I discovered that Sophie Strand's book is also available for pre order on Audible, so immediately I did. I came to her books because of you! Hooray for the books you are writing and have written, I will listen to them too, because alas, reading long things is still not possible with two damaged eye nerves. Lots of love to you. ❤️
What a delightful surprise to see you and n my lovely inbox 😊❤️. Your thoughts and words and your ability to pull out my own thoughts and words saved me from drowning my life in alcohol. You know this. I know this. I still think of you often, as we do about someone or something that played an integral role in altering our life path. Again, thank you. Thank you for being you and genuine and authentic. I am excited 😆 for your new book, even if it is a book 📕 of poems. lol 😂 No seriously, love you. P.S. Still sober almost 7 years later!!
HOLLYYYYYY. I’ve missed you!!! I was searching for something unrelated and bam there was an email from you. I dropped the thing I was supposed to do to read you. Happy to hear you are back!
I was just thinking about you yesterday, and here you are. I remember watching that episode of the The Crown and feeling all the feels, god, feeling all the shitty feels. Any hoo, you are in love! Bloody marvellous! Thank you for words, yet again you help me make sense of, you know (waving my hands around) stuff, life, the world 💕
This I'm sure is the exact wrong thing to write because I do that, but also an example of what I'm trying to say. I dated SO MANY folks worrying about such things. Not being fake, but also trying to be impressive. In my late 30s, I decided to show dates the potential worst. I would sing super loud, but actually trying to sound good. I no longer held in my gut during intimate encounters. (That was huge for me.) I shared bad short film scripts, the fact that I had a botox appointment, and asked to approve any photos of myself on social media incase I didn't look cute in them, etc... This was all on top of laying out that I would never share finances with any partner ever, or have kids with them. It was a huge shift in how I normally dated, but very liberating. I guess I had never decided to be UBER vulnerable or intentionally gross in relationships before that. My partner and I had our 10 year anniversary yesterday, which is a probably a big reason why I'm even sharing this right now. Anyhoo, my point is... GOOD. Show them everything. Tell them everything. Especially the un-impressive. Your light will shine through to those who are a match, and weed out those who aren't. I'm glad you are back writing on here and I will continue to be a paid subscriber following you on your journey. I see you!
I loved reading this so much. Lately, I've been thinking about how I'm actually at my best when I embarrass myself with my own earnestness. For my whole life I've been terrified of this, looking back on those moments with disdain. Like I'd really fucked up when I opened my heart in a pure manner and it didn't land just right. I wouldn't say those moments have started feeling "good", but I've started smiling at the memories--in tandem with the cringe. There's really nothing sweeter than embarrassing ourselves from a place of uncurated affection. I wish we talked about this more. Thanks for doing so <3
Randall: thanks for this. And same ♥️
Holly in my inbox today! 🤸 I so needed to start my day with, “Just, diarrhea feelings” and “bone-killer poem.” I love your words and wisdom and spit-out-my-coffee humor so much. They helped me get sober (and—gasp--even be damn proud of it), and they helped me say scary shit out loud (like, “I am a writer”), so basically you helped saved my life. But today you’ve reminded me about other things. Like standing in fields unpolished and unsilly and fully worthy. And…you finished your second book with a third on the way?! (👏🏻👏🏻!!) I don’t know what is the opposite of “diarrhea feelings,” but I’m having all of those big time over this thrilling news. And, of course, I’m prob not alone in wondering as we continued reading if you were, in fact, going to share The Poem. I was hoping you would. But then, after I finished reading, I realized it was so special that you didn’t. I love the way you show up. Only you could turn unflushed toilet analogies into a breath of fresh air. ;)
Jennifer <3 Thank you, thank you for this. xx
So lovely to have you back, Holly. Because, this:
"If the last few years have taught me anything at all, it’s that the externalities, including how other people feel toward you, including how your new boyfriend feels towards you, are always and forever fleeting. In a past life I yoked my worth to my success, which means I yoked my worth to my failures, and it broke me. You probably remember; you were probably there."
I was there; I am there. I am 65 years old (today), standing in that field still yoked to all my failures--in love, in art, in financial worth and self-. How do I un-yoke? How do I piece myself together again while leaving that rotten or at least once serviceable but now strangling piece in the field? Methinks this is what one of your new books is about? Me hopes?
Thank you for coming back; your words, your failures, your un-flushed poop: what a gift.
oh gosh I wish I knew. I think you un-yoke by maybe realizing you're yoked in the first place? Maybe it hurts? I wish i knew but it sounds like you know a lot. Its something I think about all the time and I'm sure it will keep showing up in here. Thanks so much for this. <3
Welcome back!!! And I haven’t even finished reading but it was exactly what I needed to read so thank you❤️
YAY! lol.
This is exactly what I was about to write! Haven’t even read the piece but just so happy to see you back! Saving this for after work so I don’t have to hurry lol.
And yay! <3
I love it when you get mushy. Yay, you're back! Xo
all day. Love you.
Lovely to have you back and even lovelier to hear you’re in love.
THIS ⬆️‼️
Graham <3
Yay! You’re back! 🎉
🥳🥳🥳🫶🏻
Oh yes, you are here again ❤️ To help me get over the last hurdles of quitting Fentanyl because I'm not dying anymore, I promoted from terminal to chronic illness. Recovering. And hooray, you found someone worthy of you. I discovered that Sophie Strand's book is also available for pre order on Audible, so immediately I did. I came to her books because of you! Hooray for the books you are writing and have written, I will listen to them too, because alas, reading long things is still not possible with two damaged eye nerves. Lots of love to you. ❤️
JOSH! Oh wonderful on Audible too! I don't know if she's reading it but it is for certain fire. SO so much love to you.
Um. No poem?
HAHAHAH oh gosh. No. Never. Ever.
What a delightful surprise to see you and n my lovely inbox 😊❤️. Your thoughts and words and your ability to pull out my own thoughts and words saved me from drowning my life in alcohol. You know this. I know this. I still think of you often, as we do about someone or something that played an integral role in altering our life path. Again, thank you. Thank you for being you and genuine and authentic. I am excited 😆 for your new book, even if it is a book 📕 of poems. lol 😂 No seriously, love you. P.S. Still sober almost 7 years later!!
Aww Julie, it is so good to see your name always. Like a little hug. Love you, love you.
Holly it’s so wonderful to hear from you—missed you!! ♥️ Thank you for writing!
🫂♥️
Love all of this Holly, love youuu!!! And today I’m 700 days sober! So stoked, thank you for the inspiration ❤️🫶
YEAH YOU ARE!!! Congrats Helen ♥️♥️♥️
HOLLYYYYYY. I’ve missed you!!! I was searching for something unrelated and bam there was an email from you. I dropped the thing I was supposed to do to read you. Happy to hear you are back!
lol so familiar! Big love ♥️♥️♥️
I was just thinking about you yesterday, and here you are. I remember watching that episode of the The Crown and feeling all the feels, god, feeling all the shitty feels. Any hoo, you are in love! Bloody marvellous! Thank you for words, yet again you help me make sense of, you know (waving my hands around) stuff, life, the world 💕
God me too. Like: so painful to watch. Thanks for thinking of me and this note ♥️
This I'm sure is the exact wrong thing to write because I do that, but also an example of what I'm trying to say. I dated SO MANY folks worrying about such things. Not being fake, but also trying to be impressive. In my late 30s, I decided to show dates the potential worst. I would sing super loud, but actually trying to sound good. I no longer held in my gut during intimate encounters. (That was huge for me.) I shared bad short film scripts, the fact that I had a botox appointment, and asked to approve any photos of myself on social media incase I didn't look cute in them, etc... This was all on top of laying out that I would never share finances with any partner ever, or have kids with them. It was a huge shift in how I normally dated, but very liberating. I guess I had never decided to be UBER vulnerable or intentionally gross in relationships before that. My partner and I had our 10 year anniversary yesterday, which is a probably a big reason why I'm even sharing this right now. Anyhoo, my point is... GOOD. Show them everything. Tell them everything. Especially the un-impressive. Your light will shine through to those who are a match, and weed out those who aren't. I'm glad you are back writing on here and I will continue to be a paid subscriber following you on your journey. I see you!
Oh the lengths I’ve gone to hide my monster self! Sharing the most unimpressive aspects somehow makes it even better. Thank you for this Kari ♥️♥️
Seeing your name in my inbox was pure poetry!
The end.
🫂♥️