About 5 years ago I picked up QLAW after reading about you and Laura M. I'm a dude, well a guy. At the time I had just entered my 3rd month in AA after starting my sobriety with Annie Grace, SHOUT sobriety and William Porter. As a male who knows how to beat the fuck out of myself I quickly "right sized" myself into a dark hole of self loathing. And then I read your book and I began to think differently about how I wanted my own sobriety to look. Your words gave me the boost I needed to keep saying to myself, "how do I want MY sobriety to look"? Not long after that I left AA and have gone on to other sobriety paths. I've been a big fan of your insights ever since. So glad you are here on Substack and writing as fiercely as ever. I loved this all.
Thank you for this. A lot to think about and will definitely be rereading.
I have never to my knowledge been officially “cancelled.”
I think the closest experience I’ve had to this is in the past year. I am a Jewish American, and I also identify as being on the U.S. political left. Speaking only for myself, it’s been challenging to navigate these two identities since 10/7/23.
Tbh I feel nervous about posting this comment and may wind up deleting it later, because I worry about how it will be received.
But again I appreciate this post and it’s given me a lot to think about.
Thanks for posting it, truly. I understand why writing something about how it's hard to navigate two identities feels risky, and I deeply appreciate your willingness to say it. Sending some big breaths your way.
I can very much understand this perspective, being a lifelong “member” of the political left. I live in Portland, Oregon so seeing people on the streets within 24 hours of Hamas attacking the Nova Festival, waving Palestinian flags and chanting slogans was a heartbreakingly familiar sight and further sent me into questioning my own political identity(much like the riots of 2020 did)
I think I come closer and closer to being cancelled - at least within my small online sphere (which is limited to Substack and is wrapped up in my identity, creative work, and livelihood). Every time I praise and restack Charles Eisenstein’s recent essays, for example, which just today had me blocking some guy rather than dealing with his precious beliefs and non-listening, presumed moral authority. Thank you for writing this, Holly. I needed it now and will likely need it even more later.
I do appreciate Africa Brooke's saying which I think is "act as if you already have been cancelled". I think for me, it's just the knowledge that people will leave, and that it's totally okay. Thanks always for your thoughtfulness and for putting yourself out there, and your writing. xx
Holly, Thank you. This is the first time I am commenting and as it required subscription I went ahead and did that. I'm motivated by my family journey with recovery and the incredible work of it. I am motivated by my experiences of being canceled or shunned. Shunning, I believe, is one of the worst things we can do to others. It is an emotion-physicality akin to genocide. Killing off is close to shaming, but worse.
It requires unbelievable amounts of psychic work to endure being shunned by community. Like you, I have repeated experiences of it. In general, I am called to a belief system around which many roll their eyes and refuse to engage. What is it? My job is to hold dance and religion together. For a long time I did that in mainstream protestantism. Confronting the anti-body in Christainity is no joke. Once as a pastor many church members literally left the church because of who I am. Another time in my non profit a single comment made in love exploded into accusations of racism in my organization where I was actively pursuing wisdom on healing from racism. While it resulted in months of painful isolation and emotional trauma. I did eventually restore my relationships with those who shunned me.
I am currently exploring fear of genocide as something we need to confront in self and culture. I believe much of the fear running rampant is related to the epigenetics of being killers or being killed off. The word genocide first occurred in the 1940's during the Holocaust. I don't think the phenomenon is recent. It has long legs in the history of patriarchs who kill off peoples, lands, cultures, intellectuals, artists and species.
I look forward to your list and to your explorations and join in the journey of compassion for self and others.
Love this so much. I’ve always thought of cancel culture as the epitome of toxic. No room for redemption, discussion, self-compassion, compassion for others, not even room to attempt repair. Cancel culture is the arrogance of youth- that things end and are dead and gone- when really things end and then end again, and then death sparks new growth and fertilizes, and then some more death and some more growth. It’s an illusion. I love your writing, and your growth and willingness to be so honest about change, and chaos both internal and external, and hair issues, and I could spent hours with your links if I’m not careful and how much time do you spend reading and I want to spend hours reading and thank you.
The term “cancelled” in this sense has felt a bit amorphous (terms that are used a lot in culture but never really defined often feel this way for me, my autistic brain that often takes things too literally gets in the way sometimes) but thinking of it as “facing ex-communication from communities” crystallized it. Thank you for that phrase. In the context of how important belonging is for us as humans, that phrase also amplifies how harmful it is to the people experiencing it.
Doubt is for sure a feeling we do well to embrace. Everyone wants some certainty but there literally isn’t any. None. Coming to terms with that is definitely part of being peaceful and compassionate. It’s good to have you back (I may have already said that but, just in case there is any doubt 😊)
I would love any resources you have for those who have been “cancelled”! It is terribly difficult to find support. I (and separately a friend) were both unceremoniously fired for what I can only assume were personal/political reasons on the part of our respective directors, despite being otherwise held in high regard. In lived in site with my family, so I also lost my housing and community. It was a deep mind fuck. Your writing is the only source I’ve found that talks about this - so thank you.
I remember finding you on instagram years ago. You were followed by my yoga school friend Flo and you were talking about sobriety in a way that compelled me (I’m almost six years alcohol free and sing the praises if your book far and wide).
We’re the same age and if I remember correctly, you’re an Aquarius. Love me some ♒️ (I married one). You are consistently looking outside the box and considering the collective while pushing against the narrative of sameness, whatever it may be.
Sometime in 2020 I had a reckoning with my own “side” as riots raged for months in my beloved Portland. The rhetoric coming out of my friends mouths sounded like the fundamentalism that I was used to coming from the other “side”. I went quiet. I began following right wing pundits (briefly. Punditry is insufferable) and reading old school conservatives like Thomas Sowell. I felt weird and lost. I tried to let curiosity lead.
(Since you’re a bookworm like me, I highly recommend “Liberalism and Its Discontents” by Frances Fukuyama.)
Anyway, all this to say I appreciate the shit out of you. I’ve been starting and stopping my own Substack post for months and drowning in imposter syndrome as I face my own midlife reckoning. Your writing slays, it inspires, keep doing it. And give my love to those glorious trees on the east coast. Fall is their season.
Please post your list of resources for those of us who have been cancelled. I was a high school English teacher in 2024 and was cancelled by a small group of students. It is still painful and I feel like my 35 year career in education ended on a sour note that overshadows everything I may have accomplished.
About 5 years ago I picked up QLAW after reading about you and Laura M. I'm a dude, well a guy. At the time I had just entered my 3rd month in AA after starting my sobriety with Annie Grace, SHOUT sobriety and William Porter. As a male who knows how to beat the fuck out of myself I quickly "right sized" myself into a dark hole of self loathing. And then I read your book and I began to think differently about how I wanted my own sobriety to look. Your words gave me the boost I needed to keep saying to myself, "how do I want MY sobriety to look"? Not long after that I left AA and have gone on to other sobriety paths. I've been a big fan of your insights ever since. So glad you are here on Substack and writing as fiercely as ever. I loved this all.
Thank you for this. A lot to think about and will definitely be rereading.
I have never to my knowledge been officially “cancelled.”
I think the closest experience I’ve had to this is in the past year. I am a Jewish American, and I also identify as being on the U.S. political left. Speaking only for myself, it’s been challenging to navigate these two identities since 10/7/23.
Tbh I feel nervous about posting this comment and may wind up deleting it later, because I worry about how it will be received.
But again I appreciate this post and it’s given me a lot to think about.
Thanks for posting it, truly. I understand why writing something about how it's hard to navigate two identities feels risky, and I deeply appreciate your willingness to say it. Sending some big breaths your way.
I can very much understand this perspective, being a lifelong “member” of the political left. I live in Portland, Oregon so seeing people on the streets within 24 hours of Hamas attacking the Nova Festival, waving Palestinian flags and chanting slogans was a heartbreakingly familiar sight and further sent me into questioning my own political identity(much like the riots of 2020 did)
Thanks for sharing your experience
I think I come closer and closer to being cancelled - at least within my small online sphere (which is limited to Substack and is wrapped up in my identity, creative work, and livelihood). Every time I praise and restack Charles Eisenstein’s recent essays, for example, which just today had me blocking some guy rather than dealing with his precious beliefs and non-listening, presumed moral authority. Thank you for writing this, Holly. I needed it now and will likely need it even more later.
I do appreciate Africa Brooke's saying which I think is "act as if you already have been cancelled". I think for me, it's just the knowledge that people will leave, and that it's totally okay. Thanks always for your thoughtfulness and for putting yourself out there, and your writing. xx
p.s. a book in january!!
I’m loving Charles’ latest pieces. And also noticing the intense vitriol they are igniting in the comments section.
Holly, Thank you. This is the first time I am commenting and as it required subscription I went ahead and did that. I'm motivated by my family journey with recovery and the incredible work of it. I am motivated by my experiences of being canceled or shunned. Shunning, I believe, is one of the worst things we can do to others. It is an emotion-physicality akin to genocide. Killing off is close to shaming, but worse.
It requires unbelievable amounts of psychic work to endure being shunned by community. Like you, I have repeated experiences of it. In general, I am called to a belief system around which many roll their eyes and refuse to engage. What is it? My job is to hold dance and religion together. For a long time I did that in mainstream protestantism. Confronting the anti-body in Christainity is no joke. Once as a pastor many church members literally left the church because of who I am. Another time in my non profit a single comment made in love exploded into accusations of racism in my organization where I was actively pursuing wisdom on healing from racism. While it resulted in months of painful isolation and emotional trauma. I did eventually restore my relationships with those who shunned me.
I am currently exploring fear of genocide as something we need to confront in self and culture. I believe much of the fear running rampant is related to the epigenetics of being killers or being killed off. The word genocide first occurred in the 1940's during the Holocaust. I don't think the phenomenon is recent. It has long legs in the history of patriarchs who kill off peoples, lands, cultures, intellectuals, artists and species.
I look forward to your list and to your explorations and join in the journey of compassion for self and others.
Thanks for sharing your experience here Cynthia (and jumping through the pay wall to do it). I'll share the resources <3
Love this so much. I’ve always thought of cancel culture as the epitome of toxic. No room for redemption, discussion, self-compassion, compassion for others, not even room to attempt repair. Cancel culture is the arrogance of youth- that things end and are dead and gone- when really things end and then end again, and then death sparks new growth and fertilizes, and then some more death and some more growth. It’s an illusion. I love your writing, and your growth and willingness to be so honest about change, and chaos both internal and external, and hair issues, and I could spent hours with your links if I’m not careful and how much time do you spend reading and I want to spend hours reading and thank you.
What a wonderful piece of writing. Thankful for your voice xo
<3 Hugs baby
Thank you as always for your thoughtfulness and your words.
Aww I just love you so much. Just emailed you before coming here and reading this first comment from you. Hugs bb, see you soon.
The term “cancelled” in this sense has felt a bit amorphous (terms that are used a lot in culture but never really defined often feel this way for me, my autistic brain that often takes things too literally gets in the way sometimes) but thinking of it as “facing ex-communication from communities” crystallized it. Thank you for that phrase. In the context of how important belonging is for us as humans, that phrase also amplifies how harmful it is to the people experiencing it.
Doubt is for sure a feeling we do well to embrace. Everyone wants some certainty but there literally isn’t any. None. Coming to terms with that is definitely part of being peaceful and compassionate. It’s good to have you back (I may have already said that but, just in case there is any doubt 😊)
I would love any resources you have for those who have been “cancelled”! It is terribly difficult to find support. I (and separately a friend) were both unceremoniously fired for what I can only assume were personal/political reasons on the part of our respective directors, despite being otherwise held in high regard. In lived in site with my family, so I also lost my housing and community. It was a deep mind fuck. Your writing is the only source I’ve found that talks about this - so thank you.
I remember finding you on instagram years ago. You were followed by my yoga school friend Flo and you were talking about sobriety in a way that compelled me (I’m almost six years alcohol free and sing the praises if your book far and wide).
We’re the same age and if I remember correctly, you’re an Aquarius. Love me some ♒️ (I married one). You are consistently looking outside the box and considering the collective while pushing against the narrative of sameness, whatever it may be.
Sometime in 2020 I had a reckoning with my own “side” as riots raged for months in my beloved Portland. The rhetoric coming out of my friends mouths sounded like the fundamentalism that I was used to coming from the other “side”. I went quiet. I began following right wing pundits (briefly. Punditry is insufferable) and reading old school conservatives like Thomas Sowell. I felt weird and lost. I tried to let curiosity lead.
(Since you’re a bookworm like me, I highly recommend “Liberalism and Its Discontents” by Frances Fukuyama.)
Anyway, all this to say I appreciate the shit out of you. I’ve been starting and stopping my own Substack post for months and drowning in imposter syndrome as I face my own midlife reckoning. Your writing slays, it inspires, keep doing it. And give my love to those glorious trees on the east coast. Fall is their season.
Much love from Portland ❤️
Love the picture! I have a degree in self-cancellation…
Share the resources, please.
Love you so! XO
I will! love you so.
Thank god for you Holly! You write what I think and experience and wrestle with!
Please post your list of resources for those of us who have been cancelled. I was a high school English teacher in 2024 and was cancelled by a small group of students. It is still painful and I feel like my 35 year career in education ended on a sour note that overshadows everything I may have accomplished.
On that Minoxidil train. May my hairline recover and may it forgive me for the years of rosemary oil that did nothing.