Feb 27, 2022·edited Feb 27, 2022Liked by Holly Whitaker
“Oh sister! Because the part of me that thinks I’m a fraud is standing right up there at the front with me. They have a seat at my table, and because they have a seat at my table where they are respected and loved and validated, they’re not running the show from the basement.”
This. I think this is key. Still trying to figure out how to lovingly accept all pieces of myself so that they don’t run the show from the basement.
Ok, wait. It sounds like you're into IFS? Or, maybe, you're instinctually using that modality... it's incredibly powerful, and I was inching my way into it by accident sort of, then I listened to a session by its founder and my whole inner world suddenly made sense. And now I can be friends with all the people/parts in there.
I love the concepts of the Exiles and the Protectors (Managers and Firefighters). It just makes so much sense. And the Self and the 8 C's. I've been at this healing stuff for awhile now, like you using a lot of methods, but this one just Clicked for me. I have to go look up Debbie Ford now... thanks!
This was so poignant for me in this moment. I am working on my masters thesis at the moment, or more accurately, pushing off working on my thesis for fear of rejection and failure. I feel insignificant and incompetent. But I love the idea of inviting that self to the table. Inviting all parts to come together, letting go of the pressure and moving onwards. Thank you! ❤️
I completely get; from what I understand, that part that feels insignificant and incompetent (through the lens of the process I’m writing about and via my therapist etc.) those parts formed to protect us or to function. I cannot recommend dark side of the light chasers more.
I really enjoyed this today Holly. It is so important to embrace the whole self but so damn hard. I smiled when I pictured you singing that song to yourself; I am going to try it😉. Tara Brach has a talk on this and calls those negative voices Mara. I may not be accurately representing this concept but she says to say “Hello Mara, won’t you join us for some tea?”
What is it when you think you should be (or should have been) a perfectionist at least once in a while? LOL. I mean, I guess the reason I've stalled out for so much of my life was that I was waiting to be perfect before taking a single step. So I didn't suffer so much from the pain of trying to be perfect because I didn't even try. The line from Eliot's "Prufrock" "Do I dare disturb the universe?" has haunted me since high school, and during Tempest it became a rallying cry for me and a friend - "Let's disturb the universe!"
One thing I've been embracing lately is the idea that in order to write a good song you have to write at least a hundred shitty songs. I've written both good and shitty songs, so it's not a lesson I thought I had to learn again, but it's been propelling my creative energy like nothing else lately. I'm finishing mediocre work now instead of leaving fragments and it's making me happy.
I'm answering a question from Holly below, but am sharing it here because it so relates to what everyone is talking about, and what Holly's newsletter talked about. Richard Schwartz is the founder of the modality of therapy/healing called Internal Family Systems, which is all about bringing "exiled" parts of yourself into the present and healing them - giving them a seat at the table. For me, it was/is a total game-changer. As the IFS name implies, he's developed a whole "system" for identifying and understanding - and finally, integrating - the various "parts" of ourselves. His premise is that there are no bad parts, that they all are serving a role/function, that they get burdened with roles they don't want, but those parts can be "unburdened" of their unwanted role, so their true nature can come forth. The other part of his premise is that there is, within everyone, a true Self, that cannot be destroyed, is always available to us, and knows how to heal, and part of IFS work is re-connecting with that Self. (The Self, according to IFS, is characterized by the "8 C's": calmness, clarity, compassion, curiosity, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.)
I have found it so so so powerful, and hugely healing. I recommend this interview with him, where he explains how he came up with this system, and gives a great overview of it: https://resources.soundstrue.com/podcast/no-bad-parts/.
He has recently published a book, No Bad Parts, which I have but haven't gotten into (yet). I also took an on-line "master class" of his, where he demonstrated the approach, using a real person, and it was, not to exaggerate but to really be honest, life-changing for me (it was a paid class, and is no longer available on-line, so I can't share the link). So there's a zillion youtube's of him, and I recommend "live" demonstrations and lectures, rather than the book. Or in addition to.
He also has a full training program for therapists, so there are "certified" IFS therapists out there. He's formed an institute to carry on the work, and the website is full of information: https://ifs-institute.com/
Ha ha, I'm kind of over the top in my enthusiasm for this, but so much of the conversation is reminding me of IFS practice... so, if it's helpful, good; if not, ok too. :)
I have been working as a IFS Institute trained coach for the past year and it is INCREDIBLE. I have tried so many modalities of healing over many decades and this feels like the holy grail. There is so much I love about IFS, not least of which is that it is Self lead. So as a coach, I guide the sessions, hold space using the IFS framework but it is the client who is leading their own healing. This means that clients are empowered and truly becoming more free. And, there really are NO bad parts. Every part of us just needs to be seen and heard and above all to be loved and honored. The ripple effects of this kind of honoring are just infinite throughout the rest of our lives and all of our relationships and interactions. I too am over the top in my enthusiasm for IFS! Studying and now practicing it with people is just blowing my mind week after week, the release and relief, the growth and joy I am witnessing my clients experience is just beautiful beyond words. I have clients ranging from 25 to 65 years old coming with a wide range of stuckness and trauma, from the worst kind of childhood trauma to creative blocks and they are all healing with so much depth and all at their own pace. The way that IFS works creates an enormous amount of trust within our internal system so we can finally rest in this deeply felt sense of self love that so many of us have been missing, craving and searching for for so many years. I have such deep love for Richard Schwarz for developing and teaching IFS.
Both. I have weekly sessions with a colleague and I am loving coaching people in a way I thought I could never love anything as much as I do singing, songwriting and painting. It's just flipping magical. And practical. Richard Schwarz describes IFS as like psychedelic experience without drugs. How it works reminds me of how you teach. My clients are leading their own delving, their own healing, their own discovery. Finding their own answers. And they are learning how to do IFS for themselves independently from me whilst we are working. The whole process is liberating in every sense.
Here's the thing I could never get with, with AA and standard recovery: that I had something in me that would need to guarded against, and outright *fought*, for the rest of my life. I couldn't trust that part of me, I had to be vigilant against it, or it would take over and ruin my life again. A couple years into sobriety, I made a rule: "I will not fight with myself." This after delving deep into a Mindful Self Compassion program (Kristen Neff), and just realizing that, if I had to fight myself for the rest of my life, forget it. That is no way to live a life. Then, IFS came along, and taught that ALL parts are valuable, they ALL have things to teach you, they are ALL acting in your best interest as they see it - even the addicted part, even the perfectionist part, even the self-critical part - protecting a little exiled part who just needs to be seen. I can't tell you the amount of peace I've experienced getting to know these parts, welcoming them, and as Caitlin says, *honoring* them for their roles, and working out how they can leave their burdens behind. I figured out who the exile was, and when she was created, and the self critical part said it really wanted to be a cheerleader, and the addicted part said it really had soooo much energy and wanted to be a creator... I understand that these kinds of epiphanies are the standard in IFS. Caitlin, your info is so validating to me, thank you for sharing.
I have goosebumps reading this Diane. These are exactly the epiphanies that I witness the people I work with have week after week. Big, fat epiphanies like this and little ones that just straighten out a part that hooks us. I too decided that I didn't want to fight alcohol for the rest of my life but it was 5 years after I let alcohol go that I found IFS. Pema Chödron is a teacher that I found on my sober journey and just immersed myself in throughout those first few years. I am actually just listening to one of her teachings now and the alignment with the basic principles of what she teaches and IFS are completely in sync. IFS is much more that a form of psychotherapy or coaching, it is a spiritual practice. I am so glad that you found it and that its working for you too. That you could find your addicted part and honor it by truly seeing it and what a warrior it was for you. Oh God! I love our parts so much! I have never met a bad one.
Feb 27, 2022·edited Feb 27, 2022Liked by Holly Whitaker
I personally LOVE the unpolished brain dump-the act or an instance of comprehensively and uncritically expressing and recording one's thoughts and ideas (as on a particular topic)!!
So much more relatable than the polished version most days.
Thank you for taking on the weekly emails- I am so happy reading them!!
I look forward to your newsletters each week. You could literally blast out only a haiku and I'd be tuning in because I know I'm going to learn something about myself through your stories.
Also I would 100% be stressing myself out over hard burpee or easy burpee. Again, glad it's not just me!
Thank you so much for this! I’m finally comfortable in the middle of my recovery after so much self doubt. Your words each week seem to be exactly what I need and speak to where I am. I’m a work in progress and at I’m ok with it. Love you!
I'm reading 'No Bad Parts' at the moment, and it's causing me to rethink so much of my conditioning around all the parts of myself that I fear, that are 'unskilful', that I hide in the basement, that are 'character defects' (in AA parlance - ugh). Just in the way that you have described inviting the 'worthless' girl to sit down at the table with you, he describes inviting those parts that have been exiled to talk about what they are trying to do and why and recognising that however fucked up they might be, ultimately they want what is best for me. For me, it's not so much a choice between perfectionism and mediocrity because something can still be good, can still have value, and not be either perfect or mediocre. For me, all your writing has value Holly, even if it doesn't feel 'perfect' to you!
I love this Kate. Not sure if you saw the discussion in here about that same book and IFS and I wonder if this book talks about shadow and now I'm going to have to deep dive if IFS is shadow work. Also: I hear you on the not perfect or mediocre and value; and I think I'm saying, what's wrong with mediocre though? Can't everything have value, perfect down to really bad? That's what your comment made me think about. xx
He doesn't talk about shadows but about protectors, and about parts that play roles as exiles, firefighters and managers. The part that really struck home for me was 'the big conclusion ... is that parts are not cognitive adaptations or sinful impulses. Instead parts are sacred, spiritual beings, and they deserve to be treated as such'.
With mediocre, what I hear is 'done without care' or without thought which I guess means that for me, if something is done without care or without thought, then it is of less value. I'll have to think about that - does the value live in the intention of the creator, or in the value to someone who experiences it, or can something (or everything) be of intrinsic value, just because it is? I'll have to think about it! Thanks for taking the time to respond to me Holly! I really appreciate it. xx
Well said, thanks for letting us know we aren’t alone in these feelings. Is ambition a point on the same line or a third place on a triangle? I’ve often been snarled in it and it’s played significant roles in both my addiction and sobriety.
I don't even know what you're asking but it feels big; but I do know that checking my ambition has been the biggest gift. Or at least acknowledging "am I doing this to crush it, or am I doing this because it honestly makes me feel fulfilled." That kind of thing.
I just realized why i love this newsletter - and you - so much. I am in the messy, mediocre, place. Honestly, I have been here for most of my life except for those, you know, fleeting few minutes of attaining something. Mostly what i have read about, and been so allured by, is the experiences of people who have attained something and are telling me their story of how they did it and, also, how i can to (!!). And i keep falling for it because, as you continue to so honestly and vulnerably write/speak about, this messy place fucking sucks. It's so unbearably uncomfortable and i keep wanting out and it is so damn easy to find people selling me something that will help me get out. Thank you for your willingness to write about this messy place. I feel a deep sigh of relief reading your essays - you are creating a space where i feel like i can finally stop pretending that i am doing great all the damn time and actually learn to live (or not run away) in that place where i am not perfect. Thank you.
UGH. Yes. Like, YES. Thank you. I think to be fair, making stuff from our pain and aspiration blah blah blah, super important. But I think we've gotten into this kind of weird headspace where that's all we're supposed to be doing, always. Like pain or suffering or lost or whatever isn't to be experienced it's to be transmuted. Thank you for this; so so helpful to hear. Also I think you're so right; we're MOSTLY in the middle our entire lives right? Also is this Jess Jess? My Jess?? lol. Either way, love you.
Oh definitely!! I'm still reading about 12 books from people that have accomplished something, discovered something, healed something, etc. It helps with seeing things from a different perspective - i can become pretty myopic when i am in pain. But what i think is different now, and I thank you for playing a role in this discovery, is that i have (mostly) given up on the belief of a before and after. That one day, when i finally get it together, I will live in the after (happy, healed, energized, motivated). All the time.
Some background: I began a career not that long ago and quit that career a year ago and as miserable as i was in that job, there has been something particularly terrifying about not having anything to point the misery to after I quit (before i was able to point it to the job). Now I'm just wandering in this really icky uncomfortable place and recognizing that after years of this pattern perhaps it would be in my best interest to actually meet what's here. To be experienced, as you said. So, I'm very much resonating with what you're writing/talking about.
Oh Holly! I needed to read this TODAY! I am putting together (read: putting off) my portfolio in order to look for a new position after leaving a job I had for 24 years! Between this and your episode #3 of Quitted I feel like I am being held and seen. Thank you for your love and bravery and for connecting.
“Oh sister! Because the part of me that thinks I’m a fraud is standing right up there at the front with me. They have a seat at my table, and because they have a seat at my table where they are respected and loved and validated, they’re not running the show from the basement.”
This. I think this is key. Still trying to figure out how to lovingly accept all pieces of myself so that they don’t run the show from the basement.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Me too!! In the footnotes there’s a meditation Ruthie does to walk you through the process
Ok, wait. It sounds like you're into IFS? Or, maybe, you're instinctually using that modality... it's incredibly powerful, and I was inching my way into it by accident sort of, then I listened to a session by its founder and my whole inner world suddenly made sense. And now I can be friends with all the people/parts in there.
I've used it in therapy loosely but I've always known it as shadow work. the first time I ever did it was with Debbie Ford's book. So both and!
I love the concepts of the Exiles and the Protectors (Managers and Firefighters). It just makes so much sense. And the Self and the 8 C's. I've been at this healing stuff for awhile now, like you using a lot of methods, but this one just Clicked for me. I have to go look up Debbie Ford now... thanks!
What book do you rec on ifs?
I'm working as an IFS coach these days my love. I can give you an introduction if you want. Let me know <3
Amazing!! I’m all set ♥️
This was so poignant for me in this moment. I am working on my masters thesis at the moment, or more accurately, pushing off working on my thesis for fear of rejection and failure. I feel insignificant and incompetent. But I love the idea of inviting that self to the table. Inviting all parts to come together, letting go of the pressure and moving onwards. Thank you! ❤️
I completely get; from what I understand, that part that feels insignificant and incompetent (through the lens of the process I’m writing about and via my therapist etc.) those parts formed to protect us or to function. I cannot recommend dark side of the light chasers more.
That totally makes sense. I will check out the book! Thank you!
I really enjoyed this today Holly. It is so important to embrace the whole self but so damn hard. I smiled when I pictured you singing that song to yourself; I am going to try it😉. Tara Brach has a talk on this and calls those negative voices Mara. I may not be accurately representing this concept but she says to say “Hello Mara, won’t you join us for some tea?”
ohh yes! I love that so much! I've heard that talk too!
I went down the rabbit hole last night with IFS. I think it’s brilliant
What is it when you think you should be (or should have been) a perfectionist at least once in a while? LOL. I mean, I guess the reason I've stalled out for so much of my life was that I was waiting to be perfect before taking a single step. So I didn't suffer so much from the pain of trying to be perfect because I didn't even try. The line from Eliot's "Prufrock" "Do I dare disturb the universe?" has haunted me since high school, and during Tempest it became a rallying cry for me and a friend - "Let's disturb the universe!"
One thing I've been embracing lately is the idea that in order to write a good song you have to write at least a hundred shitty songs. I've written both good and shitty songs, so it's not a lesson I thought I had to learn again, but it's been propelling my creative energy like nothing else lately. I'm finishing mediocre work now instead of leaving fragments and it's making me happy.
Oh I know that character too. One of my friends sent me this video: watch it from 13:30 to 17:30. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wk8sjTkZZE
I'm answering a question from Holly below, but am sharing it here because it so relates to what everyone is talking about, and what Holly's newsletter talked about. Richard Schwartz is the founder of the modality of therapy/healing called Internal Family Systems, which is all about bringing "exiled" parts of yourself into the present and healing them - giving them a seat at the table. For me, it was/is a total game-changer. As the IFS name implies, he's developed a whole "system" for identifying and understanding - and finally, integrating - the various "parts" of ourselves. His premise is that there are no bad parts, that they all are serving a role/function, that they get burdened with roles they don't want, but those parts can be "unburdened" of their unwanted role, so their true nature can come forth. The other part of his premise is that there is, within everyone, a true Self, that cannot be destroyed, is always available to us, and knows how to heal, and part of IFS work is re-connecting with that Self. (The Self, according to IFS, is characterized by the "8 C's": calmness, clarity, compassion, curiosity, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.)
I have found it so so so powerful, and hugely healing. I recommend this interview with him, where he explains how he came up with this system, and gives a great overview of it: https://resources.soundstrue.com/podcast/no-bad-parts/.
He has recently published a book, No Bad Parts, which I have but haven't gotten into (yet). I also took an on-line "master class" of his, where he demonstrated the approach, using a real person, and it was, not to exaggerate but to really be honest, life-changing for me (it was a paid class, and is no longer available on-line, so I can't share the link). So there's a zillion youtube's of him, and I recommend "live" demonstrations and lectures, rather than the book. Or in addition to.
He also has a full training program for therapists, so there are "certified" IFS therapists out there. He's formed an institute to carry on the work, and the website is full of information: https://ifs-institute.com/
Ha ha, I'm kind of over the top in my enthusiasm for this, but so much of the conversation is reminding me of IFS practice... so, if it's helpful, good; if not, ok too. :)
Diane this is so helpful! Thanks for the links and resources and information!
I have been working as a IFS Institute trained coach for the past year and it is INCREDIBLE. I have tried so many modalities of healing over many decades and this feels like the holy grail. There is so much I love about IFS, not least of which is that it is Self lead. So as a coach, I guide the sessions, hold space using the IFS framework but it is the client who is leading their own healing. This means that clients are empowered and truly becoming more free. And, there really are NO bad parts. Every part of us just needs to be seen and heard and above all to be loved and honored. The ripple effects of this kind of honoring are just infinite throughout the rest of our lives and all of our relationships and interactions. I too am over the top in my enthusiasm for IFS! Studying and now practicing it with people is just blowing my mind week after week, the release and relief, the growth and joy I am witnessing my clients experience is just beautiful beyond words. I have clients ranging from 25 to 65 years old coming with a wide range of stuckness and trauma, from the worst kind of childhood trauma to creative blocks and they are all healing with so much depth and all at their own pace. The way that IFS works creates an enormous amount of trust within our internal system so we can finally rest in this deeply felt sense of self love that so many of us have been missing, craving and searching for for so many years. I have such deep love for Richard Schwarz for developing and teaching IFS.
Ugh I love this so much. Are you a coach of it or just using a coach??
Both. I have weekly sessions with a colleague and I am loving coaching people in a way I thought I could never love anything as much as I do singing, songwriting and painting. It's just flipping magical. And practical. Richard Schwarz describes IFS as like psychedelic experience without drugs. How it works reminds me of how you teach. My clients are leading their own delving, their own healing, their own discovery. Finding their own answers. And they are learning how to do IFS for themselves independently from me whilst we are working. The whole process is liberating in every sense.
Here's the thing I could never get with, with AA and standard recovery: that I had something in me that would need to guarded against, and outright *fought*, for the rest of my life. I couldn't trust that part of me, I had to be vigilant against it, or it would take over and ruin my life again. A couple years into sobriety, I made a rule: "I will not fight with myself." This after delving deep into a Mindful Self Compassion program (Kristen Neff), and just realizing that, if I had to fight myself for the rest of my life, forget it. That is no way to live a life. Then, IFS came along, and taught that ALL parts are valuable, they ALL have things to teach you, they are ALL acting in your best interest as they see it - even the addicted part, even the perfectionist part, even the self-critical part - protecting a little exiled part who just needs to be seen. I can't tell you the amount of peace I've experienced getting to know these parts, welcoming them, and as Caitlin says, *honoring* them for their roles, and working out how they can leave their burdens behind. I figured out who the exile was, and when she was created, and the self critical part said it really wanted to be a cheerleader, and the addicted part said it really had soooo much energy and wanted to be a creator... I understand that these kinds of epiphanies are the standard in IFS. Caitlin, your info is so validating to me, thank you for sharing.
I have goosebumps reading this Diane. These are exactly the epiphanies that I witness the people I work with have week after week. Big, fat epiphanies like this and little ones that just straighten out a part that hooks us. I too decided that I didn't want to fight alcohol for the rest of my life but it was 5 years after I let alcohol go that I found IFS. Pema Chödron is a teacher that I found on my sober journey and just immersed myself in throughout those first few years. I am actually just listening to one of her teachings now and the alignment with the basic principles of what she teaches and IFS are completely in sync. IFS is much more that a form of psychotherapy or coaching, it is a spiritual practice. I am so glad that you found it and that its working for you too. That you could find your addicted part and honor it by truly seeing it and what a warrior it was for you. Oh God! I love our parts so much! I have never met a bad one.
I personally LOVE the unpolished brain dump-the act or an instance of comprehensively and uncritically expressing and recording one's thoughts and ideas (as on a particular topic)!!
So much more relatable than the polished version most days.
Thank you for taking on the weekly emails- I am so happy reading them!!
Mmmm I love this. Thanks for that feedback. I like those too when I get 'em from other writers. Very good point.
also, lol, "Mmm" was me typing what I was saying out loud, and it happens to be your handle.
I look forward to your newsletters each week. You could literally blast out only a haiku and I'd be tuning in because I know I'm going to learn something about myself through your stories.
Also I would 100% be stressing myself out over hard burpee or easy burpee. Again, glad it's not just me!
<3 thanks Nicole.
Thank you so much for this! I’m finally comfortable in the middle of my recovery after so much self doubt. Your words each week seem to be exactly what I need and speak to where I am. I’m a work in progress and at I’m ok with it. Love you!
Love you back.
I'm reading 'No Bad Parts' at the moment, and it's causing me to rethink so much of my conditioning around all the parts of myself that I fear, that are 'unskilful', that I hide in the basement, that are 'character defects' (in AA parlance - ugh). Just in the way that you have described inviting the 'worthless' girl to sit down at the table with you, he describes inviting those parts that have been exiled to talk about what they are trying to do and why and recognising that however fucked up they might be, ultimately they want what is best for me. For me, it's not so much a choice between perfectionism and mediocrity because something can still be good, can still have value, and not be either perfect or mediocre. For me, all your writing has value Holly, even if it doesn't feel 'perfect' to you!
I love this Kate. Not sure if you saw the discussion in here about that same book and IFS and I wonder if this book talks about shadow and now I'm going to have to deep dive if IFS is shadow work. Also: I hear you on the not perfect or mediocre and value; and I think I'm saying, what's wrong with mediocre though? Can't everything have value, perfect down to really bad? That's what your comment made me think about. xx
He doesn't talk about shadows but about protectors, and about parts that play roles as exiles, firefighters and managers. The part that really struck home for me was 'the big conclusion ... is that parts are not cognitive adaptations or sinful impulses. Instead parts are sacred, spiritual beings, and they deserve to be treated as such'.
With mediocre, what I hear is 'done without care' or without thought which I guess means that for me, if something is done without care or without thought, then it is of less value. I'll have to think about that - does the value live in the intention of the creator, or in the value to someone who experiences it, or can something (or everything) be of intrinsic value, just because it is? I'll have to think about it! Thanks for taking the time to respond to me Holly! I really appreciate it. xx
Well said, thanks for letting us know we aren’t alone in these feelings. Is ambition a point on the same line or a third place on a triangle? I’ve often been snarled in it and it’s played significant roles in both my addiction and sobriety.
I don't even know what you're asking but it feels big; but I do know that checking my ambition has been the biggest gift. Or at least acknowledging "am I doing this to crush it, or am I doing this because it honestly makes me feel fulfilled." That kind of thing.
Haha, maybe? A check on it feels right though. Goals are tricky.
I just realized why i love this newsletter - and you - so much. I am in the messy, mediocre, place. Honestly, I have been here for most of my life except for those, you know, fleeting few minutes of attaining something. Mostly what i have read about, and been so allured by, is the experiences of people who have attained something and are telling me their story of how they did it and, also, how i can to (!!). And i keep falling for it because, as you continue to so honestly and vulnerably write/speak about, this messy place fucking sucks. It's so unbearably uncomfortable and i keep wanting out and it is so damn easy to find people selling me something that will help me get out. Thank you for your willingness to write about this messy place. I feel a deep sigh of relief reading your essays - you are creating a space where i feel like i can finally stop pretending that i am doing great all the damn time and actually learn to live (or not run away) in that place where i am not perfect. Thank you.
UGH. Yes. Like, YES. Thank you. I think to be fair, making stuff from our pain and aspiration blah blah blah, super important. But I think we've gotten into this kind of weird headspace where that's all we're supposed to be doing, always. Like pain or suffering or lost or whatever isn't to be experienced it's to be transmuted. Thank you for this; so so helpful to hear. Also I think you're so right; we're MOSTLY in the middle our entire lives right? Also is this Jess Jess? My Jess?? lol. Either way, love you.
Oh definitely!! I'm still reading about 12 books from people that have accomplished something, discovered something, healed something, etc. It helps with seeing things from a different perspective - i can become pretty myopic when i am in pain. But what i think is different now, and I thank you for playing a role in this discovery, is that i have (mostly) given up on the belief of a before and after. That one day, when i finally get it together, I will live in the after (happy, healed, energized, motivated). All the time.
Some background: I began a career not that long ago and quit that career a year ago and as miserable as i was in that job, there has been something particularly terrifying about not having anything to point the misery to after I quit (before i was able to point it to the job). Now I'm just wandering in this really icky uncomfortable place and recognizing that after years of this pattern perhaps it would be in my best interest to actually meet what's here. To be experienced, as you said. So, I'm very much resonating with what you're writing/talking about.
Haha, I'm a different Jess <3
Oh Holly! I needed to read this TODAY! I am putting together (read: putting off) my portfolio in order to look for a new position after leaving a job I had for 24 years! Between this and your episode #3 of Quitted I feel like I am being held and seen. Thank you for your love and bravery and for connecting.
YES get it Danielle! I love putting things off until it feels unbearable. lol. You've got this. Please report back
You’re the epitome of adorable 🥰
No you are!
(But also yes okay I’ll take that.)
Holy shit.
"she only wears robes" 💓