9 of your (and my) questions about perfectionism and addiction, answered by the author of The Perfectionist's Guide To Losing Control, Katherine Morgan Schafler
Magic post. Great questions. I woke up despondent: what’s the point; why bother. And then this conversation. It is so encouraging to realise I am recovering and trying and shifting along. I’ll buy the book. You just keep writing!! Love you Holly
Parisian wing Messy here
Loved this--thank you. Metabolizing it all, but I write in my book DRINK about the profound link between perfectionism and women's drinking, excerpted in the Atlantic. Thank you, Holly, for being such an honest writer, thinker, human. Porous and thoughtful, I love your missives. Your fan, Ann
This is incredibly useful, smart, encouraging, thoughtful. I’ll use it with patients and myself. I always thought perfectionism was used as a snooty hammer to knock people off pedestals, another way to hobble others, I think it’s a superpower too but this conversation opens it right up and out, I’ll buy the book too. Lovely smart work as ever Holly, you’re a gem, never stop. 💚
So good!! I have a lot of take aways from this.
Somehow, despite being a (sober) alcoholic, perfectionism has never really been a big problem for me. But I have other issues to make up for it 😳
Recovery people might enjoy this: https://michaelmohr.substack.com/p/misunderstanding-alcoholics-anonymous
Words cannot express how grateful I am to receive your emails Holly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Q #8 and the answer were like oxygen to me tonight. Thank you for the honesty without a pretty bow.
What struck me most about this interview is how much of it you already intuitively knew and taught in Hip Sobriety School. You didn't call it perfectionism (I don't think). One of the fundamentals I learnt from you was that fuck ups and slip ups and falling down are all a part of the process of not just getting sober, but in creating a life we don't want to numb ourselves through.
OMG I I'm reading this right now and it's changing my life!
This was SO good Holly. Thank you for sharing this with us. So much to take away from on a topic that I generally steer clear of for my own messy and avoidant agenda to thrive.
Have you read Marion Woodman ( Jungian trained ) book ‘Addiction to Perfection’? An interesting take on the subject. I’d forgotten about until I read this, I was deeply affected by my relationship with my father in relation to my drinking. Maybe irrelevant to most people. Don’t know. Just trying to join in. (Introvert). Thanks for everything. Suzanne
P.S I’m English. Suzanne